JNJ Twitter Updates for 2009-04-30

• Wanna read about Dave Barry’s colon? http://tinyurl.com/dnddfe #

JNJ on Twitter

• NurseTogether Global Salary Survey LIVE NurseTogether.com http://tinyurl.com/c2rlv6 #
• rt@KarynBuxman 12seconds – You’re a nurse if…001 http://tiny12.tv/GIZ2N #
• rt@KarynBuxman 12seconds – You know you’re a nurse 002 http://tiny12.tv/9DN22 #
• Just added myself to the http://wefollow.com twitter directory under: #nurse #nursing #humor #
• Advice for new nurses: Don’t get excited about blood loss unless it’s your own. #
• rt @KittKlaise I know a radiologist who’s (license) plate reads “ICNU” #
• rt @KWScholar “Did you hear about the nurses who were wearing apple pins? When asked why they said, “To keep the doctors away.” #
• @Lucky_23 re: urologist license plate 2PCME (To pee, see me) Advertisement! Funny & clever! (does that help?) #
• rt Fun2b “If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. I bet you won’t cough now.” #
• Rt @hvto Things hospice staff should remove from their language “Kill them with kindness” “You’re killing me here”, “Died laughing” #
• rt @Fun2b “If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. I bet you won’t cough now.” (sorry, forgot @ sign…) #
• You know you’re a nurse if… You don’t eat before driving to work because you want to be an “easy intubation” if you are in an accident. #
• 12seconds – How to prevent a pregnancy http://tiny12.tv/E44BH #
• You know you’re a nurse when… You´ve had a patient with a nose ring, a brow ring, tattoos and twelve earrings say, “I´m afraid of shots.” #
• Surviving the Aporkalypse! http://tinyurl.com/dy7d2n #
• Wanna read about Dave Barry’s colon? http://tinyurl.com/dnddfe #

JNJ Twitter Updates for 2009-04-29

• 12seconds – How to prevent a pregnancy http://tiny12.tv/E44BH #
• You know you’re a nurse when… You´ve had a patient with a nose ring, a brow ring, tattoos and twelve earrings say, “I´m afraid of shots.” #
• Surviving the Aporkalypse! http://tinyurl.com/dy7d2n #

JNJ Twitter Updates for 2009-04-28

• You know you’re a nurse if… You don’t eat before driving to work because you want to be an “easy intubation” if you are in an accident. #

Star Charts by Suzanne LaBarne

Horoscopes just for nurses!

Aries

The mood stabilizers are for the patients, Aries! The ups and downs that plague you this week will soon pass, replaced by a desperate longing to extract your foot from your mouth. After that, what ever’s been blocking your lines of communication will disappear, and hope looms large on the horizon.

Taurus

Slow, steady, methodical Taurus will shine this week, where pragmatism and hands-on verification of the facts will be highly valued. Don’t let yourself be rushed — no matter how many times they hit that call button. Your priorities are spot on!

Gemini

The 29th is going to be the best day of the week for you. Look out for those crazy impulses: telling the annoying patient that they might manage to catch the last inning of the local bar’s softball game if they go AMA right NOW might seem appealing, but will have long term negative ramifications.

Cancer

Ever the frustrated diagnostician, Cancer will spend much of this week looking for problems that don’t really exist. Take it easy on yourself: there’s enough real issues to deal with without driving yourself crazy looking for imaginary ones!

Leo

Everybody wants you, Leo! Romance is in the air this week, and you’ve got it going on. While that might be great news on the personal front, it can be a little …awkward when disoriented patients suddenly confuse you with their dream date. We recommend comfortable running shoes and quick footwork to keep those grabby hands at bay.

Virgo

Listen to your heart, Virgo. What might first seem like a mere touch of stress-induced angina is, in fact, your destiny, driving you to explore new paths, take on great challenges, and change the world.

Or it’s gas. Try really hard to pass up the baked beans this week, ok?

Libra

Oh, Libra, it’s going to be hard this week. Hard not to gloat. Turns out you’re right more often than you knew — but to keep those work waters smooth, you might want to keep that to yourself. Which will be tough when it turns out that the patient family you were worried about actually does ‘borrow’ some morphine from grandma to ‘deal with the stress’. ..but we know you can do it.

Scorpio

Quick, Scorpio, the call light’s flashing! But there’s a code over here! And some lady’s just wandered in off the street, and she’s gone into labor in the waiting room! Meanwhile, the crash cart’s actually crashed, and needs to be replenished STAT! And you say you have to go to the bathroom?

Good luck, Scorpio. Next week will be better.

Sagittarius

Are those corneal implants tinted pink? Something has to account for your optimistic outlook this week, Sagittarius — not that it’s unwarranted, for everything seems to be going your way. Just don’t forget caution: not everything is as good as it appears at first glance.

Capricorn

Creativity and energy abound this week, Capricorn! This vibrant joy is much appreciated by your patients and your co-workers, although it may rub authority figures the wrong way. When in doubt, don’t be afraid to fall back on established protocols: no one has to reinvent the wheel every day!

Aquarius

Housework and domestic issues loom large in your stars this week, Aquarius, and you know what that means for a nurse? I’m sorry to say it, but there’s a code brown in your forecast. Keep that little bottle of Vick’s close by. You’ll be glad you did.

Pisces

The road to Hell is paved with good intentions, and it turns out that the road to the vending machine is actually well-lit tile flooring! You’ll be traveling a lot this week, Pisces, from emotional highs down to gut-wrenching lows, from calm and confident to rocky and insecure. Persistence will see you through. Well, persistence and Snickers bars.

Nurse Marge In Charge

Dear Nurse Marge

So lately, I haven’t been feeling so great, so I finally did what most nurses hate to do: I went and saw the doctor. In the 2.2 minutes I spent with him, he determined that I’m fine, I just have too much stress. His recommendation is that I get more exercise. What’s the best way for a nurse to exercise?

Signed,

Wondering about Workouts

Dear Wondering

Personally, I’ve found that kickboxing and most martial arts to be great exercise — ask your doctor about the health benefits you’ll be enjoying while you’re knocking him over his clueless head! More exercise? You mean running to codes, jumping to answer every call light, and carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders isn’t enough exercise?

If that’s the case, you could consider expanding your exercise regime to include:

Running, rather than walking, to hide in the bathroom when a ‘frequent flier’ comes to the unit.

Climbing the walls (most common after the computer system is ‘upgraded’ — but this healthy activity is available anytime!)

Shifting responsibility onto other employees for your workload. (A popular exercise, this serves as some people’s sole physical activity!)

Of course, you’ll want to find the exercise routine that’s best for you. It might even be worth consulting with your doctor!

Good Luck

Nurse Marge

Things We Learn From Our Patients

Education doesn’t stop when you leave nursing school — and we’re not talking about continuing education, either. Some of the most critical lessons we learn as nurses are taught by our patients, including: Read more

BP Mystery Explained!

A man goes into the doctor for his annual physical. The nurse is taking his basic information.

“How much do you weigh?” she asked.

“One fifty, same as when I was in college!” he replied proudly.

“Why don’t you just step on the scale, and we’ll check,” she said. Turns out, he was one hundred and eighty seven pounds.

Then she asked how tall he was.

“Six foot one.”

Upon measuring, however, it turns out that he was closer to five foot nine.

It was time for the blood pressure check, which came in at 190/110.

“That’s a little high,” she told him.

“Well, what do you expect? When I came in, I was tall and lanky! Now I’m short and fat!”

Kitty Organizes A Blood Drive

What happens when Nurse Kitty’s in charge of the blood drive?

Do you have a great funny nurse LOLCat pic to share? Send it to us at Cindy@journalofnursingjocularity.com and enjoy fame, glory, and the appreciation of LOLCat lovers everywhere!

JNJ Twitter Updates for 2009-04-26

• Just added myself to the http://wefollow.com twitter directory under: #nurse #nursing #humor #
• Advice for new nurses: Don’t get excited about blood loss unless it’s your own. #
• rt @KittKlaise I know a radiologist who’s (license) plate reads “ICNU” #
• rt @KWScholar “Did you hear about the nurses who were wearing apple pins? When asked why they said, “To keep the doctors away.” #
• @Lucky_23 re: urologist license plate 2PCME (To pee, see me) Advertisement! Funny & clever! (does that help?) #
• rt Fun2b “If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. I bet you won’t cough now.” #
• Rt @hvto Things hospice staff should remove from their language “Kill them with kindness” “You’re killing me here”, “Died laughing” #
• rt @Fun2b “If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. I bet you won’t cough now.” (sorry, forgot @ sign…) #

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