JNJ Twitter Updates for 2009-05-30

• LOL RT @mommy_doctor I read a chart where an MD had dictated this allergy: “Succinylcholine makes me stop breathing.” DUH! #
• FF# @OneCoach, @NurseTogether, @nerdynurse, @kidpsychnurse, @mommy_doctor, @ericatwitts, @rolandap, @gregwoodhouse, @bostoncupcake, #
• FF# a few more! @gigglemed, @marcebackit; @elizannj; @JaxLicurse, @EastDallasAlice, @MarchMoon, @azandiaMJBB; @vpmedical, @JamieDickerson #

JNJ Twitter Updates for 2009-05-28

• Found on chart: “Pt reports a fatal reaction to Iodine in the past.” #

JNJ on Twitter

• RT @impactednurse fresh off the press: best medical pranks and practical jokes. http://tinyurl.com/qs5vth #
• Admit nurse to pt:”Who can we contact in case of an emergency?” Pt to nurse: “A good doctor!” #
• RT @Geek2Nurse Coworker says the difference between psych patients & staff is that patients get better. #
• #FollowFriday @NurseTogether, @Geek2Nurse, @KarynBuxman, @ImpactedNurse, @GiggleMed, @HealthyBitch #
• Pt reported allergy: Nitrous Oxide–it makes me lightheaded. #
• LOL! RT @MarchMoon i had a pt allergic to insulin; made her blood sugar go down #
• Tnx for the FF# Love! @EastDallasAlice, @azandiaMJBB, @gregwoodhouse Woo hoo! You’re the best! #
• Nurse to pt: “Any allergies?” Pt to nurse: “Yeah, bleach. When I inhale it, I have respiratory distress.” #
• @lmpotter & @JaxLicurse Tnx for the FF# ! You’re heroes for sharing the laughter! #
• Nurse to Pt: “Any allergies?” Pt to Nurse: “Yep. Novacaine. Made me numb & when it wore of I had a lot of pain.” #
• LOL! RT @nerdynurse As a SN during psych rotation, refused to let a doc in b/c he looked like one of the pts, nearly got flunked! #
• RT @hvto “I went to a general store. They wouldn’t let me buy anything specifically.” Steven Wright (love that guy!) #
• NP (w/ extreme southern drawl) to pt while doing pelvic: So is this your annual? Pt’s response. Oh no ma’am, it’s my vaginal. #

JNJ Twitter Updates for 2009-05-27

• NP (w/ extreme southern drawl) to pt while doing pelvic: So is this your annual? Pt’s response. Oh no ma’am, it’s my vaginal. #

JNJ Twitter Updates for 2009-05-26

• LOL! RT @nerdynurse As a SN during psych rotation, refused to let a doc in b/c he looked like one of the pts, nearly got flunked! #
• RT @hvto “I went to a general store. They wouldn’t let me buy anything specifically.” Steven Wright (love that guy!) #

An Admittedly Off-Label Application

A man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandpa in hospital. ” How are you grandpa?” he asks.

“Feeling fine,” says the old man.

“What’s the food like?”

“Terrific, wonderful menus.”

“And the nursing?”

“Just couldn’t be better. These young nurses really take care of you.”

“What about sleeping? Do you sleep OK?”

“No problem, nine hours solid every night. At 10 o’clock they bring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet … and that’s it. I go out like a light.”

The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by this, so rushes off to question the Sister in charge. “What are you people doing?” he says,  ” I’m told you’re giving an 85-year-old Viagra on a daily basis. Surely that can’t be true?”

“Oh, yes,” replies the Sister. “Every night at 10 o’clock we give him a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet. It works wonderfully well. The chocolate makes him sleep, and the Viagra stops him from rolling out of bed!”

World Laughter Tour

The World Laughter Tour is an international organization which provides training for the technique of “laughter clubs,” which involves simulated laughter. This technique has been used ina variety of healthcare settings, for both care provider and patient.

Interpreting promising laughter theories and practices into multi-generational, multi-cultural health and happiness related programs; preventing hardening of the attitudes; providing methods that are uplifting, simple and powerful; making the world a better place; helping people make better health choices; providing the best value in training; for individuals, organizations, and service to the community. World Laughter Tour

Nurse Marge In Charge

Dear Nurse Marge

Maybe I’m an idiot. I don’t know. But wouldn’t it be nice, if just once in a while, nurses actually STUCK UP for each other instead of stabbing each other in the back? You hear all the time about cops and the thin blue line, where they all watch out for each other. Where’s our thin white line?

Signed,

Fed up, disgusted, and stressed out

Dear Fed Up

Oh, honey. If you’ve been a nurse for any time at all, you know where that thin white line is. It’s the same cord that doubles as a head-wound tourniquet, cinched tightly around the neck…getting tighter by the minute.

It’s true: conventional wisdom tells us nurses eat their young. But I know that there’s something conventional wisdom left out. Yes, we eat our young. But — and this is a big but — only if we have adequate supplies of barbecue sauce. Young nurse is bland. You’ve got to spice it up!

I’m going to tell you that the thin line — of whatever hue — always looks better from the outside. That mythic impenetrable wall of police brotherhood has holes you can drive a truck through — and there are nurses, good nurses, who have each other’s back, and help each other out through thick and thin, shift after shift after shift, year after year after year.

Why don’t we hear about this? In part, because ‘Nurses: We Eat Our Young!” makes a way better T-shirt than “Nurses: Supportive, Caring, Professional!” I’m picking up on a little bitterness in your question (just another example of the empathy that makes me the skilled nursing professional I am today!) and that may be because you’re in the middle of a bad situation right now. It will get better. Or you’ll get used to it, and you won’t care — never underestimate the therapeutic value of not getting caught up in the drama.

What is a line? A series of points, all positioned next to each other. If you want that thin white line, stand up and be a point. Sidestep all the nonsense, and be the kind of nurse — and the kind of person — you want to be. Surround yourself with other nurses who feel the same way. Each one of them is a point, too — and together, you’re forming that thin white line.

Good Luck!

Nurse Marge

Star Charts by Suzanne LaBarne

Taurus

If you’re a psychiatric nurse, Taurus, absolutely nothing this week will surprise you.

Gemini

Every rule needs an exception. This can be a problem for surprisingly legalistic Gemini, who wants every contingency accounted for. Easier said than done — who know the patient would confuse Super Glue and eye drops?

Cancer

“When in doubt, cut it out!” may indeed be the surgeon’s motto, but a wise nurse knows better than to share that with their patients. Prudence and caution are necessary this week, particularly on the 28th.

Leo

Once in every lifetime, Leo, will come a moment of stunning, perfect clarity, when you know that you’re fulfilling your purpose, reaching your destiny, and being the best you can be. That moment will not arrive this week.

Virgo

Never underestimate bureaucracy! Virgo finds herself pitted against mountains of paperwork and red tape this week. We recommend a flame thrower PRN…but we don’t work with you ;-)

Libra

Your stars are full of references to writing and record keeping this week, Libra. Either you’re going to have charting issues out the wazoo or you’re finally going to finish writing that shocking tell all expose novel!

Scorpio

Gastrointestinal distress is symptomatic of many things, Scorpio — but your sinking stomach is likely related to having too many tasks undone. Tuesday and Wednesday are great for playing catch up!

Sagittarius

Great news will delight you this week — especially when you’re expecting the worst! Sometimes the red sticky mass on the patient’s abdomen is just the Jell-O they’re ’saving for later’! One can always hope…although we don’t recommend taste-testing to make sure.

Capricorn

Are you in over your head? Feeling overwhelmed? This will pass, Capricorn — particularly if you turn to a trusted colleague for help. If that doesn’t work, try hiding behind the crash cart.

Aquarius

Just because you can easily eat popcorn out of a clean bedpan doesn’t mean everyone can, Aquarius! Slow down and think things through this week. On the positive side, you’ll never be asked to bring snacks for the unit again!

Pisces

When your shift begins to resemble an episode of Scrubs — and there’s not a camera crew in sight! — you’ll know you’ve reached the week’s high point. Savor the moment, Pisces!

Aries

Compassion is both a gift and a burden. This week promises you the opportunity to experience both ends of the spectrum. Strangely, your stars are also filled with romance and passion: good on you, Aries — love surrounds you this week!

Four Letter Surgery

The scene: a post-op bed near you. The nurse, brisk, efficient, and cheerful, is checking over her most recent admit, who seems to be through the worst of it.

“How are you feeling?” she asked.

“Great! I just wish the surgeon hadn’t used that four-letter word during my procedure.”

“Four letter word?” The nurse is shocked. She knows this doctor — a fine, upstanding woman who is very aware of all the rules and regulations. “What in the world did she say?”

“OOPS!”

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