Star Charts by Suzanne LaBarne

Horoscopes just for nurses!

Taurus

For future reference, NOTHING you read tattooed on a patient’s body is actually good advice.  I realize it is far too late now, but you might want to keep this in mind going forward.

Gemini

You thought break dancing was yesterday’s news? There’s a ETOH-enabled patient down in the ER determined to bring it back.  The upside? Not your patient.  The downside? Not the best dancer you ever saw.

Cancer

You can’t cure stupid, Cancer, but darned if you don’t keep trying!  Innovative strategies like reverse lobotomies might offer hope — but be careful you don’t get caught practicing medicine without a license.

Leo

Unexpected obstacles slow your progress this week. Whether it’s extra beds in the hallway or administration’s latest ‘directive’, you can overcome it, Leo!  Just remember to keep smiling.  Mood stabilizers help too.

Virgo

Fearless leaders create great change, Virgo — but so do manipulative backstabbers.  Be careful: every word can be twisted, but careless words spin furthest.  On the upside, documenting the paranoia you’re feeling right now? Can serve as a case study for CEU purposes.

Libra

What could be more wonderful, Libra, than having a nurse for a patient? Having a NURSING DIRECTOR for a patient!  Get ready, Libra: conflict and frustration loom large in your stars this week.

Scorpio

It’s a question of degree, Scorpio…remember that throughout this taxing week.  Unless, of course, you’re on L&D, where no one is just a ‘little bit’ pregnant.

Sagittarius

Don’t feed Slim Jims to the seeing eye dog, Sagittarius.  He’s on a low-sodium diet!  Good hearted gestures go consistently awry this week.  Save all that good will until Thursday.

Capricorn

After this week, you will never look at an alarm clock the same way again.  The experience might be traumatic now, but years from now? This will be one of your best ‘war stories’.

Aquarius

Smoky influences cloud your stars, Aquarius.  Turn to a trusted peer for clarity and sometimes brutal honesty.  Don’t be angry with them: accurate assessment is critical in order to effect a cure!

Pisces

Good news, Pisces!  Mr. Romantic in Bed 3 has confused a Foley order for Foreplay.  Now he wants to get married!  Aren’t you a lucky nurse? He won’t believe you have a partner — better pull the old “I’m married to my career” card.

Aries

When the surgeon says “Well, this is a first,” you have two choices: Look away and miss the excitement — or pay very close attention, which will make subsequent court appearances interesting…your choice, Aries!