JNJ Twitter Updates for 2009-06-30

• Doctor, if I give up wine, women & song, will I live longer?
  Not really. It will just seem longer. #
• On pt chart: Patient has two teenage children but no other abnormalities. #

JNJ Twitter Updates for 2009-06-29

• Check out the Nurse Marge in Charge cartoon–misplaced Blackberry–ha! http://www.journalofnursingjocularity.com/category/humor/cartoons/ #

Classic JNJ: How to Respond to a Traumatic Brain Injury

Mrs. Rickety has just finished eating dinner in the Hospital cafeteria. She was placing her meal tray on the return conveyer when she slipped and fell, striking her head. You just sat down to a tainted egg salad sandwich when you witnessed her fall. Instinctively, you spring into action following the Nursing Process which courses through your veins. Read more

The Inspiration Room

Dr. Robert Holden (who you may remember from this article ) has a neat feature on his website called The Inspiration Room

Looking for a little motivation? A good laugh? An inner smile? Check out The Inspiration Room!

Nurse Marge in Charge

Dear Nurse Marge,

I am losing my faith in humanity — or my mind — and I can’t tell which!

Yesterday, I was taking patient information from an elderly gentleman.  And when we got to the complaint portion, he looked me dead in the eye and said, “I gots roaches.”

That’s not a diagnosis I ran into before.  I’m trying to figure out what he means by this.  His clothes aren’t the cleanest I’ve ever seen — maybe there’s something wrong at home. He didn’t have much in the way of hair, but maybe he was talking about lice?

So I’m asking those kind of delicate questions, because I didn’t want to embarrass him.  And he’s getting more and more agitated, because I’m not understanding him.

“Roaches!” he shouted.  “From the drinking!”

The light dawns. I don’t have a lot of experience in psychiatric nursing, but this must be some kind of alcohol induced hallucination.  Maybe a withdrawal symptom.

I ask him who his psychiatrist is.

He gets very indignant. “I don’t need a psychiatrist! I’m not crazy! I’ve got roaches in my liver from drinking, and they’re paining me something awful…”

Roaches in my liver.  Cirrhosis of the liver.

I finished getting his info and sent him along — but now I’m wondering: who was at fault here: the patient, for not knowing his diagnosis, or me, for not intuitively knowing that roaches in the liver means cirrhosis!  Am I ever going to get the hang of this?

Signed,

Bugging Out

Dear Bugging Out,

Short answer: No.  It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been a nurse, nor how experienced you are: patients are going to come to you with complaints you couldn’t even imagine, much less anticipate!  Don’t sweat it: think of it as your chance to revel in the complex, creative, innovative ways our patients regard their health.

After a while, you won’t even raise an eyebrow when a patient complains of blood clogs.

And you’ll know that Copper Toed Syndrome is actually Carpal Tunnel.

When a patient complains of Smiling, Mighty Jesus, you’ll know they don’t actually have a beef with the man upstairs.  They’ve got spinal menegitis.

Just hang in there.  It gets easier with time…or you get used to it!

Good Luck!

Nurse Marge

One Phone Call

We got advance notice from our night supervisor that a direct admit was going to be brought to our floor from the county jail.  The patient was a gentleman in his late fifties with a history of alcohol abuse.  As they wheeled him in, the EMTS and the patient were just howling with laughter.

The patient explained that, “Well, I got arrested for drunk driving again, and I sure the hell didn’t want to spend the night in that smelly jail, so when I got my one phone call, I called 911 and told ‘em I was having chest pain.  And here I am!”

By Doris Therman, RN

Cutest Conjoined Twins Ever

Read more

Get A Life By Loretta LaRoche

In the past week three individuals , Ed McMahon, Farah Fawcett, and Michael Jackson, all considered to be major stars, have passed away. Jackson was a global phenomenon. His death has created news coverage commiserate with the death of Princess Diana.

During my lifetime I often enjoyed the talents of all three, because I believed that they had a craft and had honed it to the point where they deserved the label ”celebrity”.

In the weeks prior, the media was obssessed with John and Kate Gosselein and their eight children. A couple who has had a reality show for several years, and was about to make a” monumental” announcement concerning their relationship. For weeks the entertainment shows and People magazine continued to allude to the possibility that the couple was splitting and that Jon had been involved with another woman.

They got almost as much press coverage as the swine flu.

There might be a metaphor here.

What I find incredibly absurd is that they too are considered “celebrities”, as are the women in Desperate Housewives of New Jersey, five women whose insipid lives have also landed them on the cover of some major magazines. The Gossleins and the housewives will get book deals and speaking engagements and make millions.

My question is “WHY”?

Is there such a lack of talented individuals in the world that can entertain,  and educate us through dance, art, poetry, real acting and music that we have to resort to watching the most mundane human activities as a way of amusing ourselves?

Will we soon  have a realty show that involves watching individuals going in and out of public restrooms and reporting on the outcome?

Has our attention span become so diluted that the powers that be have concluded that we are no longer able to grasp any content that might challenge our intellects?

I am grateful for those stations like PBS, Sundance Channel and some others that continue to give us programming that strive to stimulate and entertain us. But isn’t it time we stopped giving so much attention to individuals who are contributing so little to our lives?

I would rather watch the water run out of my bathtub.

Loretta LaRoche writes the Get A Life Column for the Patriot Ledger.

Star Charts by Suzanne LaBarne

Horoscopes Just For Nurses!

Cancer

Organizing Geri chair races is one thing — but attracting corporate sponsorship and a visit from NASCAR officials who want to check out the high-speed adventure?  That’s sheer brilliance!  Don’t be afraid to dream big Cancer — according to your stars, you should have five free minutes in 2018 to start making them come true.

Leo

Your patient is exhibiting signs of confusion, Leo.  From the string of orders they’ve issued, they think you’re their maid, travel agent, laundress and personal psychic!  Clear communication might help reorient the patient — but the prognosis doesn’t look good!

Virgo

Anxiety opens the week.  Never underestimate the power of one inappropriate admit to disrupt your equilibrium.  Let go of your need for perfection: sometimes other people have to learn from their mistakes.

Libra

Stretching — whether it’s physically, mentally, or metaphorically — dominates your stars this week, Libra.  Be careful:  nothing on the top shelf is really that important. While physical stretching carries an element of danger with it, your willingness to go the extra mile emotionally really changes lives this week.

Scorpio

Fighting the good fight takes lots of energy.  Normally passionate Scorpio feels drained.  You won’t need an adrenaline shot, though: your patients are determined to provide lots of heart-pumping excitement.  Which is great, unless you work in the cardiac unit, where it’s just Tuesday.

Sagittarius

Thou shalt not give the patient’s family the doctor’s home phone number.  Thou shalt not give the patient’s family the doctor’s home phone number.  Thou shalt not give the patient’s family the doctor’s home phone number.  (Keep repeating this until you believe it!)

Capricorn

Congratulations, Capricorn!  This week, you have the honor of caring for the world’s greatest medical genius!  Mind you, they don’t have any training, have never been to medical school…but they’ve seen every episode of ER TWICE!

Aquarius

It’s a fiery week for you, Aquarius!  Perhaps you’ll be dealing with a hot-headed surgeon or a rash of inflammations. Either way, your cool-headed approach saves the day!

Pisces

Sensitive Pisces struggles this week as tempers fly high.  Sidestepping conflict means extra work — is the peace of mind worth it?

Aries

Blow on a dandelion, sending wishes out into the whistling wind, Aries — for in this almost magical week, your most fanciful thoughts can prove fruitful.  Find yourself shy a stray breeze? Just redirect the O2 — it’ll work just as well!

Taurus

The most difficult thing in the world to resist is the temptation to tell the truth. Honest-to-a-fault Taurus finds themselves particularly tested this week, especially when confronted with patient families.  Hold on: communication difficulties will resolve themselves mid-week.

Gemini

You may suspect a developing blackberry allergy, Gemini.  It’s not the prickly black fruit that’s giving you hives — it’s the sight of one more patient that tells you to ‘hang on a minute’ while they finish a call!

Star Charts by Suzanne LaBarne are for entertainment purposes only.

JNJ on Twitter

• Student to elderly (hard-of-hearing) discharged pt: “Will you be on home O2?”
  Pt: “Oh no, honey, I’m heterosexual.” [don't have to make up] #
• RT @bellizzima U know ur a Nurse when u end up w/ 3 pens in each pocket, some in ur hair & still askin 2 borrow a pen. We bcome pen klepto #
• RT @mannabsn my partner is a pen-ho! you should see the stash in her locker! Dwindling now that we don’t get drug rep pens anymore tho! lol #

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