Star Charts by Suzanne LaBarne

Horoscopes Just for Nurses

Cancer

It’s not just organ recipients who worry about rejection, Cancer! Feeling particularly thin skinned this week? Try to remember that many slights are inadvertent; there’s no larger force at work out to make your life miserable. Well, except for JCAHO. They are out to get you.

Leo

Some people meditate to lower their stress levels, or exercise, or medicate tension away. Not you, Leo! This week you funnel lots of nervous energy into creative endeavors: we’re not sure the world is ready for a five-part stage show set in a renal center, but if anyone can make it work, it will be you!

Virgo

Crazy is as crazy does, Virgo. Just something to keep in mind this week: you may want to look at your own behavior before you’re too critical of patients…or administration!

Libra

A clear perspective allows Libra to take in the blindingly obvious with ease this week; perhaps the mystery of Grandpa’s missing medications could be best solved when considering the arrival of his sulky, silent teenaged grandson…who departed without saying a whole lot of anything. Steer clear of intrigue in those areas of your life that really matter: trivial matters allow you to exercise your brain power without causing irreparable rifts.

Scorpio

Never say never, Scorpio. This week allows you to try exciting new things. The route to adventure is clearly marked! Of course, it is identical in appearance to the route to disaster, so choose carefully…

Sagittarius

Sagittarians familiar with the basic concepts of reincarnation may find themselves wondering exactly happened in the past lives of colleagues and patients to justify their present condition. While that’s entertaining, focus on the here and now — or you might come back as a charge nurse!

Capricorn

If it crunches when you step, DON’T LOOK DOWN. The stars aren’t clear about what all you’ll be stepping in, but from here, trust us: you really don’t want to know.

Aquarius

In between a rock and a hard place — that’s where you’ll find your sense of humor this week, Aquarius: great tension and stress will calm down mid-week, allowing you to laugh at what seemed traumatic earlier. Well, that, or finding the boss’s kareoke performance on YouTube…

Pisces

Insomnia is on the rise, meaning more middle of the night runs to the ER or calls to the nurse hotline. As tempting as it might be to ask your patient WHY they decided that 2 am was the ideal time to remove the bee’s nest from the attic, trust us: some answers, you can live without! Curiosity killed the cat — and it can do quite a number on an unwary RN!

Aries

Stretching your wings, testing your options, considering other avenues: usually decisive Aries finds themselves on the edge of a major life change. Don’t fear the cautious approach: sometimes diving headlong into a new project results in a neck brace!

Taurus

Your 98 year old patient’s relative is worried that allowing them to eat meat will increase the chance they’ll get dementia. We had something witty to say about this, but we forgot what it was. Looking at your stars, you might find yourself in a similar situation: eloquence is not your strong suit this week…when in doubt, leave it out…you can slip the pt. a steak after visiting hours are over!

Gemini

Playing video games increases brain health…or at least that’s what the resident will tell you when you track him down to clarify an order. Forgo the temptation to show him your favorite sport (kickboxing!) if for no other reason than he might know about your World of Warcraft addiction.