Journal of Nursing Jocularity

I have to admit that I’m a “tasteaholic”. It’s very difficult for me to decide what I want to order at a restaurant because I want to try everything.

The combinations of flavors available today are astounding and have just compounded my ability for bliss! I thought what I grew up eating was amazing, but the fact that we now have access to a global tastefest makes me insane with joy.

Have you ever wondered why foods taste so different from one another? You have about 10,000 tiny taste buds on your tongue and the roof of your mouth that act like text messages telling your brain what flavors you’re sampling.

Women have more taste buds than men, but insects have the most highly evolved ones. Who would have thought that a bug would be able to enjoy flavors better than I can?

If we’ve been gifted with such an amazing array of taste sensors, why in God’s name do we think it’s a good idea to go on diets that are very restrictive or include only bland ingredients? More importantly, why do we keep eating the same foods over and over, or those that are prepared in the same exact manner?

Sure, steamed chicken is low in calories, but why not just chew on a rubber tire?

I’m sure sautéing vegetables in one of those flavored-spray oils is less fattening, but how good can a food be that comes out of an aerosol can?

Look through your cupboard—does it make you start thinking of the movie Groundhog Day.

Why not start adding new ingredients and new food choices? Go outside the box and start using endive or radicchio instead of lettuce. Throw pistachios, pecans or pignoli nuts into your salad. Try wild rice, couscous, or quinoa into your salad.

I love to crunch! When you have to crunch your food, it takes longer and creates more satiety.

Much of the food we eat today resembles baby formula. It slips down without much work and leaves you wanting more.

My Italian grandmother would never eat bread unless it was hard. She considered the white bread sold in American supermarkets better suited to wound healing.

Introduce variety in all areas of life. It keeps the mind supple and adds excitement and surprise. Life can and should be a wonderful journey filled with abundance.

Make yours a buffet and you’ll never feel bored.

Loretta LaRoche writes the Get A Life Column for the Patriot Ledger.

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A patient was admitted for GI bleeding. During the workup, the intern said, “The nurse told me you had some coffee ground emesis.”

“Oh, I don’t think so,” replied the patient. “I don’t like the stuff. I only drink tea.”

Contributed by John Dale, RN

I was taking the history from a new patient, and was going through the usual questions. Everything was fine until we got to the family history section — where the patient, completely seriously, told me she had congenital herpes!

I’ve been working in this OB office for a while, and that’s the first time I heard THAT!

Contributed by Emma R, Detroit

(more…)

Years ago; I was waiting for what I considered to be a very important phone call from my agent. He had left a message the night before stating that three shows that had been booked were now canceled, and a television special I was in the running for, now looked bleak.

I immediately called him the next morning. His secretary said he was in a meeting. She assured me he would call me as soon as the meeting was over. Three hours went by, and still no call. I decided to call again. This time his secretary said he was out to lunch. I hung up the phone. I was very angry. All kinds of negative thoughts were going through my head. When thoughts go through my head – negative or positive – I have a tendency to repeat them out loud as I pace back and forth.
A few more hours went by and I had actually convinced myself that my agent didn’t care about my needs or my career. (more…)

Use Humor to Capture Their Attention

Another late-August. Another group of students rolling into our colleges and universities, so full of excitement, fear and curiosity about their respective futures. Some are away from home for the first time. Some have made it through that transition and are involved in their next one – whatever that may be. Yet others may be stepping back into the college scene, having never attended or re-entering the world of “studenthood,” as adults.

Regardless of their personal status, as their professor, you get the opportunity to orient them to your course, its requirements and technologies, and your way of teaching. And of course (you tend to assume), every student is taking your course because of their burning interest in the material and in the great reputation you have built as the professor to learn from.

Hmmmmm. I wonder if that’s really what they’re thinking the first day of class? (more…)

Bernie Siegel broke new ground with his monumental book Love, Medicine, and Miracles, in which he explored the powerful role the mind can play in fighting illness. Sharing stories of seriously ill patients who survived against the odds and those who seemed to give in to their own deaths, the book inspired countless readers to consider the possibilities of thinking themselves well. (more…)

Horoscopes just for Nurses!

Virgo

The beginning of the week is not unlike swimming through quicksand, Virgo: you move a lot but there’s not a lot of progress going on. Luckily, change of shift admissions, wandering patients, and a doctor with his own view of reality will provide that shot of adrenaline you need to get moving!

Libra

Your chart is full of green this week, Libra. Perhaps your facility is determined to reduce its carbon footprint, maybe your patients have od’d on ganja, or lime green projectile vomit is in your future. Still, it’s an auspicious time for financial concerns: ask for a raise, or if you’d like something less unlikely, buy a lotto ticket!

Scorpio

Mechanical challenges perplex you, Scorpio. Trust your instinct: if you think the smart hoist isn’t supposed to be groaning quite that much, shut it off: it’s always better to take more time than to fill out incident reports!

Sagittarius

A recent Finnish surgery indicates that winter may be a contributing factor in Type 1 Diabetes. However, your suggestion of sending all of your patients away to warmer climates was sure to be rejected. Kudos on your follow up “What about just me then?” — it shows the innovative thinking you’re renowned for.

Capricorn

Everyone has a talent. This week, you’re going to meet the world’s power pooping champ!

Aquarius

Swine flu preparations deliver stress of epidemic proportions. This week will calm down after Wednesday; until then, try pretending that none of this is happening.

Pisces

This week provides you with many opportunities to practice your therapeutic communication skills. We’re sorry.

Aries

This week is exponentially better than last week, Aries! Everything you touch turns to gold, which admittedly has limited clinical applications. Enjoy the good times: if you discover the powers that be are secretly spraying Ativan through the building’s ventilation system, say nothing!

Taurus

Imaging this: A clueless patient delivers a stool sample from their kitchen. That feeling of disbelief and speechlessness you imagine? Will be very familiar this week.

Gemini

Given the opportunity, Gemini, what would you be doing with your life? This is a question you’ll ask yourself this week; the answer might pleasantly surprise you.

Cancer

Communication is critically important, Cancer, particularly when you need to make that resident understand that what he’s prescribing may, in fact, kill your patient. You’ll win kudos on getting the point through loud and clear; and fearful respect for your delivery style, which involves literally hammering the point home. Okay, that last might be wish fulfillment, but stick to your guns: you know you’re right.

Leo

Leo may be feeling melancholy as summer slips away and autumn arrives. But with back to school comes a new crop of student nurses: if you start warping their minds NOW, they’ll be fully prepared for the way the world really works by Thanksgiving break!

Star Charts by Suzanne LaBarne are intended for entertainment purposes only!