Journal of Nursing Jocularity

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Q What do you get when you cross an elephant and a skin doctor? (more…)

10. You answer your home phone by saying, “Surgery, Mary, May I help you?”

9. In the perioperative nurse’s kitchen, their recipes have the ingredients listed in CC’s, grams and ounces.

8. You enter your PYXIS password on the microwave and can not figure out why the dumb thing doesn’t work!

7. You peel open food packages using sterile technique as you deliver them to your kitchen table for preparation.

6. At the check out, you are assessing the veins on the cashier, thinking, “A #16ga. insyte or butterfly?”

5. You rotate your kitchen towels and bath towels like you rotate the sterile packs at work.

4. You jump up to check your ‘ON CALL’ beeper and realize it is the pager on the TV show you’re watching that is going off.

3. Wrapping Christmas presents envelope style seems quite normal.

2. Before preparing the evening meal for your family, you wash your hands as if you are going to be scrubbing an aorta bi-fem.

1. When opening a jar at a friend’s house you repeat, “Righty tighty, lefty loosey”, and your friend looks at you like you’re from another planet.

Contributed by Dina Pratt, RN, CNOR

There seemed to be a general consensus that the collective behaviors of tennis great Serena Williams, Rep. Joe Wilson, and singer Kanye West are inappropriate and in poor taste.

The media did their usual obsessive reporting and everyone agreed that civility was on the decline. The outcome was as usual. All three apologized and although there is still some dialogue regarding “the incidents”, essentially we are on to something else.

As I look back in time, I remember an era that emphasized humility as a value that was highly prized. My grandmother and mother were the guardians of good manners.

Whenever any selfish behavior was witnessed they would chant their favorite mantra, “Who do you think you are”? It seems that over the years who we think we are has become the focus of how society lives and breathes.

The three individuals mentioned above felt that their immediate feelings should be voiced. In other words, there was no gap between their brain and their lips. They essentially have forgotten that you are allowed to have some unexpressed thoughts.

Unfortunately that is a thing of the past. Telling it like it is in down and dirty language is considered edgy and hip. Why hold back? Anyone who crosses your path and stops you from getting your immediate needs taken care of should be laid out in lavender.

After all “YOU” are the center of the universe.

The down side of what sociologists call “expressive individualism” is that it makes us more and more unlikely to understand the fact that civility is the glue that keeps us from eating each other for breakfast.

Oh, there are plenty of excuses that can be made for the recurring bad manners that have become so prevalent in the media and in all walks of life.

Serena Williams thanked her supporters for “understanding that I am human”. My family of origin and the good Sisters of St. Joseph would have coined that behavior as more akin to a wolf in sheeps’ clothing.

Maybe it’s time to incorporate courses in humility starting in first grade. We are all traveling a similar path and will ultimately reach a similar destination. Why not do it with respect and empathy towards one another?

Loretta LaRoche writes the Get A Life Column for the Patriot Ledger.

• Order: "Incentive spriometry Q 1 hour until awake." Tnx @GiggleMed #
• Pt complaint: Low hypocrite #
• RT @NurseForHealth I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. ~Finley Peter Dunne #
• RT @AATH_Assoc Interesting article on humor and disabilities. http://ow.ly/oL22 #

“I got to where I couldn’t go anywhere by myself,” comedian Joan Stone said, “so when I went to the psych ward, I had to have a friend committed with me.”

Humor is a powerful tool for any of us: the benefits of using humor apply to nurses and patients, health care providers and recipients. There are times when a good laugh is the best way to dissolve tension, acknowledge the ridiculous nature of the situation we find ourselves in, and more. Humor has well documented physical benefits for patients: reducing stress and tension can positively affect everything from blood pressure to recovery rates.

But what does humor do specifically for the mentally ill patient? This is an important question, whether you’re seeing a patient primarily for mental health concerns or whether they’re being treated for an unrelated condition. There are several ways that the use of humor — by the patient and by the caregiver — can be beneficial. (more…)

Dear Nurse Marge in Charge,

What do you do when you work with a bunch of slobs? I am at my wit’s end!

Disgusted in Detroit!

Dear Disgusted,

I was going to answer you. Really, I was. But then I got this email:

Dear Nurse Marge,

I work with a neat freak and she is driving me crazy! You can’t set anything down — not even for a second! — before she scoops it up and throws it in the trash. I can’t tell you how many times my meal has been gone, before I’ve had even half of it. What am I supposed to do? Ignore the call light or pretend I didn’t know about the code until after I was done eating? Half the time that was the only thing I’ve had to eat for hours — and I’m not made of money, I can’t keep buying more lunches when I already had one!

And I don’t know how she does it, but she’s always got all her work done so she has ‘extra time’ to straighten/restock/arrange the flowers. Me? I’m charting and answering the phone and dealing with patient families — because you know they won’t bother HER because she’s ‘busy’ cleaning! Well, I’m busy too, and taking care of patients is more important than dusting picture frames. That’s why there is housekeeping, as far as I’m concerned!

How do I get her to calm down?

Signed,

Desperate in Detroit

Now, I don’t know what’s in the water there in Detroit, but one thing is clear: you two need to talk to each other! Or at least take a moment to understand each other’s point of view. Priorities are clearly out of alignment, which creates stress, dissension, and one nasty nurses’ station.

If the messy folks would pick up a little bit — and the neat freaks would perhaps respect the sanctity of someone’s lunch — there may be hope!

Communication is key. A shift meeting might help, particularly if the messy folks could hold off recommending upping the OCD medication dosage and the neat freaks could avoid using the words bio-hazard, disgusting, putrid, and foul for the duration of the conversation. Every group has its optimal working conditions — you just need to find yours.

Or one of you needs to get out of Detroit! That city may not be big enough to hold the both of you!

Good Luck!

Nurse Marge

Horoscopes just for Nurses!

Virgo

Feeling slightly melancholy this week, Virgo? No surprise, considering your charts: bittersweet recollections of things you used to do before you became a nurse haunt you. Try not to think about those wonderful days when you slept, or ate at normal meal times, or celebrated a holiday on the same day as the rest of the world…like all things, this mood will pass. Probably by Thursday.

Libra

Alleviate tension by treating yourself well: have a friend massage stiff neck and shoulder muscles, steal some time to watch your favorite TV show or read. These measures will help you deal with having the DON as your patient…or worse, their Mother in Law!

Scorpio

You’ve heard of ER shopping? Now patients are bargain hunting for regular procedures. Even though it’s tempting, we don’t recommend you tell your frequent fliers about the Buy-One-Opinion-Get-Another-One-Free promotion your *favorite* practice is supposedly running…you know they’ll track that tidbit right back to you!

Sagittarius

Tired of political chatter from your patients? Your stars are full of debate and drama; we recommend not wearing your “You! Out of the Gene Pool!” t-shirt to work.

Capricorn

We know you’ve been plagued by decorating worries, Capricorn — but this week holds an unexpected joy. The projectile vomit delivered by bed four is EXACTLY the shade of green you need for your floor tiles. Just don’t tell the guys at Home Depot what they’re trying to match!

Aquarius

Oh, Aquarius. You thought you’d left the Swine Flu behind you. And now you’ve got a patient convinced they’ve caught the Panda-demic from their toddler’s black and white plushie. Kudos on keeping a straight face! This week will be strong with the funny; enjoy it if you can!

Pisces

Your wandering patient can not and should not be used to test your new ‘find my car keys’ gadget. Although there’s nothing barring you ethically from adapting the technology, finding venture capitalists, creating a new product and enjoying untold riches…in which case, please remember your favorite horoscope caster! The stars are ripe for innovation, creativity, and financial bliss.

Aries

Minimally invasive procedures are strongly preferred by most patients. Good thing, since your eagle-eye assessment will pick up on many often-missed conditions like chicken pox, measles, and mumps. Your chart is full of spots: I’d make sure all your immunizations are up to date — or at a minimum, avoid Dalmatians!

Taurus

Interpersonal communications are high priority, Taurus: many misunderstandings can be avoided through clear communication. Although we’re with you — few concepts are apparently as tricky to get as NPO means Don’t Eat Anything!

Gemini

When your patient shows you the doctor’s Facebook page, don’t look. There are some sights you just can’t un-see — and trust us, the pic from his beach getaway is one of them!

Cancer

Time management is an issue this week, Cancer: the experts recommend delegating as many tasks as possible, which would be lovely if you had someone to delegate tasks to! We’re working on the device that will allow you to be six places at once: until then, hang in there!

Leo

What’s that spring in your step, Leo? Is vacation on the horizon? Do you actually have days off on the schedule? Or is the secret joy in your heart romantic in nature? Those around you sense something is up — but you’re right to play it close to the vest: letting too many people in on the news will jeopardize your happiness.

Star Charts by Suzanne LaBarne are intended for entertainment purposes only!

Delivered Safely To Your Home!

We have a patient who has a terrible time complying with his diabetes diet. This came up in conversation after I checked his fasting sugars and found them to be 300+!!!

Thinking this was the ideal time to do some patient education, I started talking about his food choices. It turns out he had a real passion for baked goods: donuts, crullers, danishes — if it came out of an oven, it was likely to go into his mouth.

So we’re talking about this, and he keeps insisting that all of these items were ‘safe’. Dunkin’ Donuts wouldn’t sell him anything unsafe apparently! And so I’m patiently trying to explain this, and he’s insisting that it’s all safe and finally his wife loses patience and says, “Yes, dear — all of that’s safe — right until you put it into your mouth!”

I’m glad SHE said it, so I didn’t have to!

Name withheld by request

What’s the funniest thing a patient’s ever said to you about their diabetes? Or anything else, for that matter? Send them to us at Cindy@journalofnursingjocularity.com — let us know if you want us to use your name or keep you anonymous!