Bedside Manners: ‘Being’ at your Next Unit Meeting: How to Enjoy Confrontation with your Most Troublesome Nursing Colleague by Patricia L Raymond, MD FACP FACG
Of course, here I’m assuming that one of your colleagues is in fact troublesome. But from what I hear, nursing is like every work situation. There is likely to be one person who doesn’t pull their weight. Who’s so cranky no one will work with them. Who calls in sick, a lot. Usually on Mondays. Who’s _____________ (fill in your own personal blank here).
And then comes your monthly staff meeting…where nobody says a thing. Where nothing changes. Where you continue to be assigned the role of slack-meister, taking up the slack for these dullards. Not doing anything. Sound familiar? We call this being an appeaser.
A appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile –
hoping it will eat him last. ~Winston Churchill
But no one wants to confront the slackards. Because, unless you are an overly aggressive lady, no one really likes confrontation. In fact, most of our most commonly used phrases for confrontation all evoke physical assault:
Heart broken
Butt kicked
Ego bruised
Stabbed in the back
Crushed
Stepped on
Left hanging
What if there was a way to make confrontation, if not just fun, productive? But there is, little grasshopper. This month we’ll look at how to initiate a confrontation, and then next month we’ll discuss what to do when a confrontation is thrust upon you.
When you initiate a confrontation, there are two important parts to getting a positive outcome from it; after all, it really isn’t just about giving the other party a piece of your mind, it’s about having them hear your concerns, and dare we hope, change their behavior. And since you, like I would rather rip off my own arm than actually confront someone, a word of advice:
“Pull up your big girl panties, and deal with it.”
~a cocktail napkin I have known
You’re scared, and that’s ok.
If we don’t change, we don’t grow.
If we don’t grow, we are not really living.
Growth demands a temporary surrender of security. ~ Gail Sheehy
First, be centered, focused and calm. You should never confront in anger (Every time I mess up a confrontation, I start with blasting someone. Big no-no).
Then, select three states of being from the following list. Have the entire participating group select three things that they are willing “to be” during this meeting. The possibilities include:
- Alert
- Appreciative
- Attentive
- Clear
- Compassionate
- Courageous
- Creative
- Empowering
- Enthusiastic
- Flexible
- Focused
- Generous
- Gentle
- Grateful
- Joyous
- Kind
- Loving
- Open
- Present
- Receptive
- Supportive
- Truthful
- Vulnerable
Note that belligerent, snippy, and sarcastic are not among your choices. Bummer.
Then, once everyone has committed to their states of being, start the meeting.
You may be disappointed if you fail,
but you are doomed if you don’t try. ~Beverly Sills
It’s amazing how a confrontation may then become a discussion, from ear to heart.
Next month, we’ll discuss how to take a confrontation when it feels as if you’ve been jumped in a dark alley.
In the coming months, we’ll take on the adventure of training your misbehaving medical puppy. Meanwhile, share your fun, weird, and scary physician interaction stories with me, via JNJ or <a href=”http://twitter.com/PatriciaRaymond”> tweet me! With your permission, we’ll discuss the scenario, grin at the medical antics, and try to figure out where we could have influenced the outcome to a win for both sides. Meanwhile, you can catch up with prior articles in this series:
I Spy With My Little Eye JNJ January 2009
Chronic Cranky Caregiver JNJ February 2009
CFJT: Curb Your Docs JNJ March 2009
Family Adventures JNJ April 2009
Distractable Doctors: Get Their Head in the Game JNJ July 2009
We Need To Talk: Dare To Say The Scary Words JNJ August 2009
Women Doctors Vs Women Nurses: Be Ourselves JNJ September 2009
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©2009 Patricia Raymond
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