Horoscopes just for Nurses!
Scorpio
Scorpio shines with renewed energy and a fresh zeal for life: this may confuse colleagues and co-workers who are used to your normally more surly self. They’ll check for concussion, head trauma, a sudden spike in blood sugar…anything to explain this most uncharacteristic behavior! No fair swiping some dilating eye drops just to confuse the situation further…
Sagittarius
Research indicates that wearing a cell phone may weaken the bones in your hip — but they haven’t said anything about what cell phone usage does to the nurse who’s trying to triage the ‘emergency’ patient who’s deep in an ‘important’ conversation. Practice deep breathing and try to avoid visualizing exactly where that Blackberry would fit!
Capricorn
Solitude surrounds you, Capricorn, as co-workers call in in droves. But you can handle it: You’re SUPERNURSE! Eight beds without help? Seven simultaneous codes? Five change of shift admits? We know you can do it…what do you mean, you don’t feel so good yourself?
Aquarius
Always fond of mystery, Aquarius finds a week full of challenges to decipher — particularly when it comes to reading charts. One could lament slipping grammar and punctuation skills or choose to view it as a sort of archaic cryptogram: if you solve it correctly, you get an extra shift off with pay!
Pisces
I don’t care what a nice, sweet grandmother-type she seems to be, don’t eat the cookies she dropped off for all the nurses. Oatmeal-prune drops aren’t going to do you any favors.
Aries
Yes, you have broad shoulders, Aries, but that doesn’t mean you have to carry the weight of the world upon them. Step back and recognize what you can change, what you can’t change, and what is clearly someone else’s fault.
Taurus
Story tellers surround you this week, Taurus. Some will be wonderful: geriatric patients recounting tender memories. Others will be interesting: the patient trying to explain exactly *how* she wound up with two visitors in bed with her, performing their own persona version of physical therapy. Take notes — this will all make a great novel someday!
Gemini
Given the limited number of orifices on the human body, you’d think that eventually people would run out of ways to mis-place catheters. This week will present you with the opportunity to discover that someone will always find a fresh new way to screw things up.
Cancer
Normally blessed with a stomach o’ steel, Cancer will find this week nausea-inducing. Reminding people to put on gloves/wash their hands/use a mask wouldn’t seem to be necessary, but might do wonders for your mental health!
Leo
When a colleague tries to check the O2 tank level by using her lighter, it’s time to move on to another facility. Just sayin’.
Virgo
Mysterious facts pop up in patient histories — something to consider when the patient presenting with ‘premature labor’ turns out to have (count ‘em!) had two hysterectomies.
Libra
Stress and tension melt away as you realize that fixing what is wrong with Dr. Annoying is clearly beyond your scope of practice…Remember that being a jerk isn’t technically a diagnosable condition, and there is no known cure for stupidity!
Star Charts by Suzanne LaBarne are intended for entertainment purposes only!
