JNJ Talks to Nurse Talk!

This month, we’re honored to talk with two funny funny ladies, Pattie Lockard, the producer, and Casey Hobbs, co- host and co-creator of Nurse Talk. We promise, as soon as you get done reading this, you’ll want to run and check them out! As soon as you listen, you’ll be hooked!

JNJ: So, tell us about how this all got started.  Who’s idea was this?

Casey: Pattie and I used to listen to Car Talk, a radio show featuring two brothers who are car mechanics. They have a very funny show, and we’d go for drive, and listen to their  show. Listening to them, we realized that it was a perfect format for nurses.

We could do Nurse Talk! Now this was back in the 90’s, and the idea kind of kicked around for many years. Then I met Maggie — she’s the  other nurse on show. We worked togehter for a number of years. She’s very funny naturally… Read more

Specially For the ER Nurses

If you don’t have to take a medical history from your frequent fliers because you can fill it out from memory, this page is for you! A great collection of ER specific humor…can you identify the kidney stone shuffle at 20 feet?

Eavesdropping on the New Nurse

Star Charts by Suzanne LaBarne

Horoscopes just for Nurses!

Sagittarius

While “Too stupid to live” might be technically accurate, it’s not the most politically correct thing to write on your patient’s chart, Sagittarius. You’ll be happy you exercised restraint when you discover exactly who that idiot is related to!

Capricorn

There’s been an outbreak of Hilton Syndrome at your facility; that toxic, highly contagious condition that leads patients to believe they’re actually staying at a luxury hotel and not in a hospital. Symptoms include requests to plump up pillows, open and shut curtains, and make the room mate’s monitoring equipment beep less often (actually, if it’s not too much trouble, could you just shut that off…) Your patience will be tested, Capricorn, but you are made of stern stuff and shall do well, aside from one wobbly moment on Thursday.

Aquarius

Frustrations mount early in the week, Aquarius, and needless stupidity angers you. Mitigate stress by taking time out to do things that make you happy. A brief respite will provide the much needed recharge your batteries are longing for!

Pisces

Entitlement is the issue of the week, Pisces, as manifested by your very wealthy patient’s meltdown when you have no medication samples to give them. Make it work for you: after listening to that nonsense, you’re surely entitled to a quick ten minute break to restore your sanity!

Aries

This week provides you with an opportunity to educate your fellow nurses. How else would they know you can do a triple somersault after slip-sliding through a puddle housekeeping ‘missed’ and still land on your feet? I don’t know if they’re going to believe your claim that you did an assessment at the same time, but it’s worth a shot!

Taurus

Six romantic proposals this week, Taurus, and only five of them from people who didn’t realize those gowns can actually be tied closed… You’re the belle (or babe!) of the ball.

Gemini

Cleanliness is next to Godliness…so the next time you go on a mission to find some kind, any kind, of cleaning supplies for the unit, try looking next to the chapel! If they’re not there, perhaps they’re sold in the store down the road from the Church or Synagouge. It’s worth a shot…

Cancer

When the patient presents with an ambition deficiency, a list of convenient allergies, and nebulous, unspecified pain, you get one point. When they tell you they’re allergic to male nurses (if they’re male) or female nurses (if they’re female), it’s another point. And so on and so on, until they’ve accumulated enough points to win a free trip back home! (Or your shift ends, whichever comes first!) If anyone questions your score-keeping, tell them Bravo is filming you for a new reality TV show.

Leo

Negativity swirls around your facility this week, Leo, but you’re not going to buy into that. You’re going to walk away from the gossip, side step the back biting, and ignore all of the nonsense. Or you’re going to learn to be really, really discreet. One of those two things will definitely happen.

Virgo

Just because you’re paranoid, Virgo, doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you. Document, document, document. Tape record reports and double check EVERYTHING. Once you’ve driven everyone around you crazy, you’ll be fully qualified to take on a fact-position for a major media outlet. We hear Fox news needs someone.

Libra

Appearances are deceiving, true, but sometimes it’s okay to trust your judgement. This week will present you with an interesting opportunity to put this to the test. (Yes, we’re talking about selecting snacks from the unit holiday party…what did you think we were talking about?)

Scorpio

As much as your fellow nurses are annoying, it’d be nice to SEE some of them as you run from call light to call light, crisis to crisis. Understaffing makes it easy to appreciate other’s good sides and ignore those annoying traits. So when everyone gets over the flu/vacation/holidays/the economic downturn, make sure you let them know how much you appreciate them!

Star Charts by Suzanne LaBarne are for Entertainment Purposes ONLY! Do not make major life decisions based on what Suzanne or any other astrologer tells you.  Really.  For true guidance, you want the i Ching.

You Know It’s Going to Be a Long Shift When…

1. You get the news that there are four emergency admits during report.
2. Admits outnumber the total nursing staff on duty.
3. The registry coordinator bursts out laughing when you call for more help.
4. The emergency admits are lined up in the hall because housekeeping staff is squabbling over who is going to clean the beds.
5. Dr. HighandMighty sweeps in expecting to have his hand held as he makes rounds. (This is because he wants to give 27 verbal orders which he expects you to remember and write for him.)
6. None of the meds the pharmacy promised you would be ‘right up’ are there half an hour after they were due.
7. X-ray can’t understand why you can’t just “Bring Mr. Jones and Miss Smith down” for their chest x-rays. (For one thing, all the wheel chairs are horded in x-ray.  For another, you are already supposed to give two insulin injections, do a pre-op med, and find some lost dentures.)
8. The director of nursing comes up wearing a $600 silk suit and asks “How can I help?”  You are tempted to tell her to grab anyone off the street who can stand up unassisted and has an open airway to come transport patients for you.  Instead, you suggest she answer phones, knowing the kind of indelible stains one encounters daily in bedside nursing won’t exactly make the fashion statement she’s used to.
9. The patient in 323 throws up all over the central line dressing you just changed, and it was the last dressing kit in the known universe.
10. The CT scanner overheats and goes down.  This means you get to call Dr. Irascible, the neurosurgeon, and tell him that his patient’s scan will have to be delayed. You hold the receiver 6 inches from your ear to avoid being deafened by his tirade.

This Classic JNJ article is by Carol Edson, RN. Part Two will run next week.  In the meantime, what are your tried and true signs that it’s going to be a long shift? Spill the beans!

Bedside Manners: Being Thankful for What You Don’t Have Patricia L Raymond, MD, FACP, FACG

You’ve done it already… you shoveled out all that thankfulness and gratitude stuff in late November. Our federally mandated annual reflection on all with which we have been blessed.

Now I’d like you to open your eyes and be grateful for what you don’t have in your hospital:

In a hospital in California, the chief of neurosurgery was wrestled to an operating room floor by police deputies after throwing a fit when a nurse refused to let him operate.

The surgeon became belligerent after insisting on operating on a man who fractured his spine in a two-story fall. Two other surgeons had determined the injuries were not life-threatening, but the neurosurgeon insisted the man would die if he did not receive immediate surgery. Read more

How To Win Big Bucks: DiabeTEASE by Theresa Garnero

Get a Life by Loretta LaRoche

My mother was always a huge fan of Larry King. Whenever I went to visit, we would have to sit and watch Larry. I actually found myself enjoying the interviews he had with a variety of individuals and found I often came away with some interesting information.

Mr. King is no longer a part of my mothers’ daily existence since her cognitive abilities have declined, but I took on her viewing habits and enjoyed his repartee almost as much as she did. Most recently my interest has declined as a result of his need to periodically have panels of guests rather than one. The result has often been a cacophony of voices vying for attention with no concern as to whether the viewer can understand one thing being said.

Unfortunately this seems to be the norm. There are now a plethora of shows with this type of verbal sparring with the host being the umpire. I would love to know and understand when we transitioned to this place of rudeness and arrogance.

The hosts seem as if they were coached to look and sound testy. Their faces and attitudes resemble teenagers who are in the midst of a snit with a parent. Whenever they are in conversation with a guest they often undermine or sand bag them so that they appear stupid and inept. Sentences are never finished nor points ever clarified since the goal is for the host to have the last word.

A lot of shows don’t even contain content that has any meaning, and they often have participants who are merely looking to be discovered for their bizarre behavior. After all weird can lead to having your own reality show, book deal and line of clothing!

Perhaps I’m reaching a point in my life where I am starting to sound like my mother and grandmother. Not a day went by without some comments being made about manners, humility and developing communication skills that allowed you to listen first, then respond. T.V. moguls seem to have lost sight of these values in lieu of getting high Nielsen ratings.

One can still be civil and stand their ground. Debating teams do it all the time, as well as some of the news reporters that I admire. I have watched Connie Chung, Chet Huntley, Walter Cronkite, David Brinkley and my favorite, Christine Amanpour parry with all manner of individuals with grace, intelligence and manners.

You may think there’s nothing we can do. Well, there is! Change the channel.

Loretta LaRoche writes the Get A Life Column for the Patriot Ledger.

JNJ Twitter Updates for 2009-11-26

• medical malaprop: Defibulator: A device that rips out a leg bone. #
• getting ready to interview the gals from NurseTalk radio–they sound like a blast. http://www.nursetalksite.com #

Coincidental Nurses

Eliza Katherine Gallagher works in Emergency. her friends call her Kate, but when she initials a chart, she’s “EKG”

Do you love this kind of humor? Then you won’t want to miss Andrew Heenan’s Coincidental Nurses Page where he collects some of the best examples.

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