Exactly HOW would you like this done?

I’ve been working with a new nurse who is surprisingly good; she’s got a good head on her shoulders, doesn’t get rattled easily, asks questions when she needs to but largely does it on her own. So I was shocked when she came to me, completely freaked out, practically with tears in her eyes.

“How am I supposed to do this?” she asked.

I read the order. “Continual 10 lbs cervix traction.”

Had to admit I had no idea how either — so we called the resident, and learned that she *meant* cervical. Of course, we were ’supposed’ to know that…of course!!

Name withheld by request

Just a Little Bit

By Theresa Garnero, DiabeTEASE

Top Ten Things To Look Forward To If You’re Workingin the ER on New Year’s Eve

10. Start your new diet off right by not eating for an entire shift! (Although it may be balanced out by the fluid you retain by not being able to visit the bathroom!)

9. The rare opportunity to counsel patients on making resolutions based on their complaint, current orientation to surroundings, and tattoos.

8. Everyone is so frazzled, so next to them you look fabulous! (And that’s not even looking at the patients!) And did we mention how good you’ll smell compared to “ETOH ON BOARD COLOGNE” – the scent everyone’s wearing?

7. Think of what a challenge it will be to your nursing skills to run a Code without a Crash Cart because they are all being used! How much can you remember from Nursing School?

6. The special musical treat delivered by a waiting room singing their own unique version of Auld Lang Syne.

5. The winnings you’ll collect betting on the winner of the inevitable fist fight that breaks out after everyone from point #6 argues about what the lyrics exactly are — and what they mean.

4. The marvel of discovering what people consider an emergency on one of the busiest nights of the year, which happens to be a full moon besides…

3. The thrill of dealing with surly volunteer EMTs who resent having to go on calls on a holiday. You, of course, don’t observe New Year’s Eve. Or Christmas. Or Thanksgiving.

2. The way residents who are clearly not drunk, no sir, no way they’re celebrating, answer their pages…or have their significant *something* answer them!

1. It’s the PRIME TIME to collect war stories to tell the newbie nurse next year, when she’s working it for the first time and you’re there again!

The HUMOR Project

Making The World Happier One Smile at a Time

The HUMOR Project, Inc. is the first organization in the world to focus full-time on the positive power of humor. Our mission is to make a difference by being a unique, pioneering, and cutting-edge organization that touches the lives of individuals, organizations, and nations. We seek to help people get more smileage out of their lives and jobs by applying the practical, positive power of humor and creativity.

You can learn more about The Humor Project on their website.

Nurse Marge in Charge

Dear Nurse Marge,

Can you explain to me why people persist in asking me medical questions if they’re not going to listen to the answers? My aunt calls me CONSTANTLY about her diabetes and high blood pressure — then keeps right on eating Big Macs and slurping down milkshakes!

Why bother asking? It’s not like I have a ton of free time and I don’t like wasting it!

Signed,

Annoyed in Albany

Dear Annoyed,

Why does your aunt ask you instead of her doctor? Well, for one, it’s cheaper than paying for an office visit and ignoring what the doc has to say! She doesn’t have to drive to the office, make an appointment, or deal with insurance paperwork.

In fact, I’ve got a few questions for you myself…

Seriously, you can help your aunt cut down on calling you by charging her a small fee every time she calls. (I recommend $20 — just like a co-pay!) And make sure to only take her calls when it’s a time convenient for you. That’ll cut down on your resentment at being ignored…and all those $20s can fund your own retail therapy program!

Good Luck!

Nurse Marge

Get a Life by Loretta LaRoche

We are about to enter 2010 and, as usual, a plethora of articles have been published about New Year resolutions.

The resolutions often have to do with health, relationships, finances or success and derive from good intentions, but they often end up discarded.

I propose we all embark on a resolution necessary to maintain a civil society and one that has many mental and physical health benefits. It’s called gratitude.

During the last several years, myriad studies have showed that we are happier, more creative, more productive and easier to be around when we are grateful.

It may sound like a simple task. After all, most of us, unless we were brought up in the wilderness by wolves, know that saying thank you is part of being a respectful human being.

However, the gratitude that I propose takes a little more effort. To reap the rewards, people need to be more mindful of their surroundings and their meaning.

One of the best ways to embark on this activity is to begin a gratitude journal. It need not be written in every day. Believe it or not, people who wrote in their journals once a week were happier but those who wrote three times a week were not. Gratefulness should not feel like a forced march.

Jotting down a list, however, is not how it works. Focus and imagination are necessary to get the best outcome. As you write down an incident or interaction with someone, imagine how it felt. This experience increases the health benefits. It is fairly common to reflect on irritations, inconveniences and tragedies.

What we continually practice becomes a pathway that our brain learns to traverse. If given the opportunity, why not expend our energy on what feeds our hearts and souls rather than our demons?

A family gratitude journal might be a nice way to create a shared history of joy and blessings. Write a letter of gratitude to someone you feel thankful to and then read it to him or her face to face.

Meanwhile, I wish to share how incredibly grateful I am to all my faithful readers. You have enabled me to fulfill a childhood dream.

Thank you, and Happy New Year!

Loretta LaRoche writes the Get A Life Column for the Patriot Ledger.

Star Charts by Suzanne LaBarne

Horoscopes just for Nurses!

Capricorn

This week brings a rash of Christmas gift-induced injuries, Capricorn. You’ll find it hard to believe what people manage to do to themselves with a Snuggie!

Aquarius

Thou shalt not empty the bedpan into the annoying visitor’s conveniently open tote bag…no matter how much you want to!

Pisces

Poor Pisces! On the go, go, go this holiday season, you’re considering booking an international flight for the luxury of being ‘forced’ to remain in a seat for an hour.

Aries

Eager Aries loves a party — and the fact you’re working New Year’s Eve isn’t going to stop you from having fun. Strategic re-purposing of medical supplies can create that festive air and all your patients will LOVE being woken up just in time to ring in the New Year!

Taurus

Frustrations abound, but steady, stubborn Taurus remains eerily calm. If you can’t find something to freak out about, fake it…otherwise those diversion whispers are going to start!

Gemini

It’s a full moon Thursday, Gemini. If you start now, you might be able to build a secure bunker in the supply room just in time to hide out from all the ‘excitement’.

Cancer

Beware of administrators bearing gifts — there might be a lot of uncovered shifts you don’t know about…YET.

Leo

Perpetually perky colleagues are annoying — but when 80% of them call in, you find yourself longign for their smiling faces.

Virgo

You love making resolutions Virgo, but remember to be realistic! Being the perfect nurse, the perfect parent and the perfect romantic partner is quite a goal. Try picking just one of those and going easy on yourself.

Libra

Going to work gives you a much needed respite from the hustle and bustle of home. Sad but true!

Scorpio

A co-worker’s efforts to spread holiday cheer initially provokes your scorn, but your tune changes when you join in the fun. Half the joy comes from the shocked look on your colleague’s face!

Sagittarius

You missed out (barely!) on a Code Brown Christmas, but fret not: the year won’t end with you unsatisfied!

Star Charts by Suzanne LaBarne are for Entertainment Purposes ONLY! Do not make major life decisions based on what Suzanne or any other astrologer tells you. Ask your Mother instead. She loves to tell you what to do!

JNJ on Twitter

• Here's a Top 10 List for holiday gifts for nurses. Whaddaya think? http://ow.ly/NQa5 #
• Annual tradition: watched Christmas Story (You'll shoot your eye out kid!) #
• Before my colonoscopy, had to show my driver's license to prove my identity–guess there's been a rash of colonoscopy thefts! #
• From You Might Be Burned Out If… Favorite hobby on resume is listed as sleep. Hey, I resemble that remark! http://ow.ly/O0Lv #
• Ck it out. Perks to working Christmas–whaddaya think? http://ow.ly/OmQw #
• Tnx for the RT! @Blamping, @shawnta2231, @thisguy15 #

JNJ Twitter Updates for 2009-12-22

• Ck it out. Perks to working Christmas–whaddaya think? http://ow.ly/OmQw #
• Tnx for the RT! @Blamping, @shawnta2231, @thisguy15 #

Nurse Marge in Charge

Dear Nurse Marge,

How do you handle visitors who won’t observe isolation precautions? I’m writing to you after going rounds with a determined man who SCREAMED at me that donning a mask to visit his friend (who happens to have TB!) was an insult, not only to him but to “The Lord God who protects his faithful!”

Signed,

Perplexed in Philly

Dear Perplexed,

There are some people in this world who you want to keep from exposing themselves to potentially fatal diseases. Other people, well, if that’s what they really want to do…

You can offer the education, but you can’t make them learn. Maybe they’ll listen the next time they see you. Of course, then they might be the patient and not the visitor!

Good Luck!

Nurse Marge

Next Page »