It’s that time of year again, when we make ourselves lofty promises and set incredible goals — only to break them a few days later. This year, we’ve looked at some of the most common resolutions people make and translated them into “Nurse Speak!”
The Resolution: This year I will lose weight by exercising and eating healthily.
The Nurse’s Resolution: By strategic use of the vending machine and cold coffee I will ingest enough calories to keep me moving; answering call lights and shuffling paperwork will provide the exercise portion of the day.
The Resolution: I will quit smoking.
The Nurse’s Resolution: I will quit smoking the minute doctors stop writing idiotic orders and admin stops talking cheerfully about the “opportunity” to work overtime…oh, you didn’t mean the smoke coming out of my ears?
The Resolution: I will be more cheerful and optimistic.
The Nurse’s Resolution: Ever since Essence of Ativan became my favorite perfume, being cheerful and optimistic is NO PROBLEM!
The Resolution: I will focus on my love life and spending time with my romantic partner.
The Nurse’s Resolution: I will drop kick the next yahoo who makes a “sexy nurse” joke into next week. If they still want to date me after they get up, I’ll consider it…maybe.
The Resolution: I will live in the present; not worrying about the future nor regretting the past.
The Nurse’s Resolution: I will remain too busy to worry about the future and too overwhelmed to even remember the past!
