In all the reams of literature written on stress, there is nothing that addresses clothing or personal grooming aids as being stressful. Yet I’m sure many of you have fallen victim to buying fashions, products, or gadgets to enhance your looks that ended up being an incredibly frustrating experience.
I now have a list of items that I consider to border on cruelty: Jeans that are supposed to be for a petite woman that are made for toddlers. A petite mature woman has hips, an ample waist and a butt that has seen some time on this planet. Yes I’m short, but I’m not petite! I don’t want to stuff myself into a piece of clothing that looks and feels like a denim wet suit.
How about panty hose? Oh yes, there are much cooler versions then there were when I was growing up. But still, you have to really medicate yourself before you pull them on. The size chart was developed by pathological liars. If I got the size they recommended for my height and weight I might not get them above my knees. I once got a pair stuck around my upper thighs and had to cut them off. If you buy a larger size so that your body won’t be squeezed to death, they bag around the knees making you look like an old elephant.
How about hair gels that get so stiff you need a chisel to remove them, lipstick that sticks on everything except your lips, mascara that won’t come off unless you detach your eyelashes, and zippers that love to eat the material surrounding them.
Also on my list are bras that make your breasts look like bananas or have under wires that leave track marks, underpants that stop circulation, manufacturers that make clothing labels with manipulative sizing that says 1, 2, 3 or 3.5. Give me a break! When did we start thinking we had to fool people into believing they were thin?
I know that I’m not the only one that has issues with all of the above, yet somehow many of us become mesmerized into thinking we should ignore how we feel in lieu of how we think we should look. I might have bought into that when I was younger, but age has brought me the wisdom to know that comfort is much more satisfying then wearing the “Emperors’ New Clothes”.
Loretta LaRoche writes the Get A Life Column for the Patriot Ledger.
