Dear Nurse Marge
I’m having a real problem. I have a patient who just HATES me, and this is LTC, so we’ll be together for a while. Every time I see her, something goes wrong — and she’s full of outrageous requests. She called 911 because we didn’t get her another blanket fast enough!
You should hear her: “That nurse Jenny is no good! She’s terrible!” Something’s wrong — the movie in the day room was boring? “That Jenny did it, she’s terrible!”
The other nurses are starting to call me Terrible Jenny!
I don’t want to hate this woman, but I’ve got to admit I cringe every time I see her or hear her voice. I can’t afford to leave, and she’s not going anywhere. What can I do?
Signed,
Not So Terrible Jenny
Dear Not So Terrible Jenny,
There’s nothing as horrible as feeling like we’re letting our patients down. Especially when they clearly let us know what they want. Your patient wants you to be terrible — if she didn’t, she wouldn’t keep saying it! — and yet you don’t have it in you to be truly wretched to her.
That creates internal conflict, I know. Counseling, exercise, and a healthy spiritual practice helps. So do Mojitos, but don’t drink them at work, you’ll get in trouble.
Own your terrible-ness, even if you don’t have a lot of it. When you see her in the morning, say, “Good Morning! I’m Jenny, your terrible nurse for the day! What would you like me to screw up for you?” Emphasize how happy you would be just to wreck her day, so she could at long last be happy, being miserable.
Be aware that this can help your patient achieve clarity about what kind of treatment they prefer.
Of course, not every nurse prefers such invasive intraventions, and we have to respect that. If this is true for you, I’d go with option B, which is changing your name tag. (Or your name, but that’s rather a hassle.) Your patient never looks at your nametag: once they know a name, it’s STUCK in there like an adhesive foley. But visitors read name tags, as do some administrators (which is another part of the beauty of this plan) If she’s complaining about Jenny, and your name tag says Marianne, you’re off the hook!
Good Luck!
Nurse Marge
