Journal of Nursing Jocularity

Horoscopes just for Nurses!

Gemini

Faced with choices on how to handle a difficult co-worker, you discover that conventional wisdom is to ‘kill them with kindness’.  Please bear in mind that killing someone with kindness does NOT mean inflicting blunt trauma with stuffed animals…even if the stuffed animal is wearing scrubs and a tiny stethoscope!

Cancer

Realizing the scope of your responsibility as a nurse can be overwhelming — but take a step back and make sure you’re not taking responsibility for things that are completely beyond your control!

Leo

Remember that you can learn from everyone — and sometimes what they’re teaching is that ignorance is bliss!

Virgo

Don’t keep your mind so open that your intelligence falls out!  This week will present you with opportunities to change how you view nursing — and how nursing views you.  This is either exciting or terrifying.  Good luck!

Libra

Courage and fortitude aren’t just for heroes, Libra — or maybe they are, and you’re more heroic than you’re giving yourself credit for.  Bear in mind that victory is  measured in small steps, such as those that take you from the parking lot into work!  Hang in there — you can do it!

Scorpio

Want to lose 25 pounds in a hurry? Try emptying your pockets, Scorpio!  You seem to be experiencing pockets/glove compartment/storage facility confusion again!

Sagittarius

If only Home Care meant going to care for Homes…

Capricorn

The grass is always greener across the fence; the patients always nicer on another shift, the workload always less in another facility, the surgeon always less psychotic…well, no.  They’re pretty much the same everywhere, but you knew that, didn’t you, Capricorn? Delight in the here and now, and let daydreaming dwell on more pleasant things than work!

Aquarius

Spiritual discoveries delight sensitive Aquarius, especially discovering that your cell phone is missing, meaning there’s not a ghost of a chance you’ll be called in!

Pisces

Celebrate the positives this week, Pisces: you have a great opportunity to cheer up some colleagues who really need it and in the process will make yourself feel better!

Aries

Giving report can be the most challenging part of the day: try jazzing it up by adopting the mannerisms of your favorite journalist! What if you were Anderson Cooper? Jane Valez? Bill O’Reilly? Really old school? Pretend you’re Edgar R. Murrow!

Taurus

You are always teaching: remember that student nurses are watching, whether you know it or not. The next generation of caregivers has YOU for an example. So make sure they learn how to hide in the bathroom or dodge NM phone calls from the best!

Star Charts by Suzanne LaBarne are for Entertainment Purposes ONLY!

From the folks at www.renalnetwork.org , The Renal Gourmet:

The phone rings, and I pick it up to hear a man practically shouting. “My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!”

“Is this her first child?” I asked, getting ready to let the team know we’ve got a Mom-to-be coming in.

“No, you idiot!” he shouted at me. “This is her husband!”

Submitted anonymously from “The best OB practice in Texas!”

Dear Nurse Marge,

What do you say to patients when they ask “When are you going to become a doctor?” I get this all of the time (it might be because I’m a male nurse but some of my female colleagues get it too!) and I never know what to say!

I’m Good With Being a Nurse, Thanks!

Dear I’m Good With Being a Nurse, Thanks!

Immediately after my lobotomy.

That’s my answer of choice, although you have to be careful not to share it with patients immediately in front of a doctor! The public doesn’t realize that nursing is a highly skilled profession; any opportunity we’re presented to change that image is a good one — provided, of course, you’re not doing any of the seven million other things that come into the typical shift, including the channel-changing, pillow-fluffing, call-light answering, family-member herding that appears to be the lion’s share of the day and that trivial nonsense of saving people’s lives.

I turn to you, my readership: I know you’re funny folks! What do you say when people ask when you’re going to be a doctor?

Good Luck!

Nurse Marge

Often we’re rushing around so much that we become incredibly intolerant of others. Time has become a measurement of how much needs to get done, and life is a daily race. Sadly, many of us live under the illusion that when we reach the finishing line we will feel relief.

This becomes a daily ritual which in and of itself causes a great deal of stress and leaves us frustrated and unable to connect in a civilized manner. The irony of this mindset is that the very opposite is true.

If we slow down and take the time to be polite and considerate, we actually have more respect for ourselves. When we act more humane, our minds and bodies are freer to be more present and focused, therefore, we are more productive.

As a child, my grandmother spent hours teaching me manners. My mother worked, and so it became grandma’s responsibility to create her ideal, a dignified, gracious human being. Anything else would not be tolerated and if she witnessed anything less, she would repeat over and over that I was acting like an animal.

“Don’t chew with your mouth open,”

“Put your fork down when you’re not eating,”

“Think before you speak,”

“Don’t mumble.”

These instructions, plus many more, had a dual purpose: They helped me function better in society, and they were a source of pride for her.

To my grandmother, there was no greater sin than being ill-mannered. It brought disgrace upon her good name. For that she reserved the ultimate punishment-silence. Silence from an elderly Sicilian grandmother can be compared to life imprisonment. An entire act accompanied the silence-great big sighs, heavy walking while she prayed for your soul, and hand gestures similar to what the Roman emperors gave to those that were about to die.

Finally my grandfather would intercede by yelling “Basta” (enough). He was the only one who could end the punishment, aside from God.

Human survival is dependent on healthy relating. The process of people interacting requires understanding, kindness, consideration, compassion and acknowledgment—-which is what manners are all about.

The poet William Blake sums it up beautifully: “Everything that lives, Lives not alone, Nor for itself.”

Loretta LaRoche writes the Get A Life column for the Patriot Ledger.

• Working w/ professionals in home care in NY state. Many serious issues to deal with. Thank goodness humor can help. #

• JNJ at #ONS in San Diego. Woot! #
• #onssocialmedia great input on social media for nurses #

In the first part of this series, How Nurses Can Use Humor To Prevent Burnout we looked at The Dirty Dozen; the unseen and seldom articulated pressures that are part and parcel of every nurse’s day. In this installment, we’ll be looking at practical ways to use humor as part of your self-care routine.

It’s Okay If You’re The Only One Laughing

The wisest words I ever heard came from a Southwest flight attendant giving the whole Here’s what’s going to happen if this big old plane comes crashing out of the sky spiel. She was explaining how to use the oxygen system, and said, “Put on your own mask first. Then save everyone else.”

Humor works exactly the same way. Before we can go on to use humor to benefit others– our patients, our colleagues, our family and friends — we first must become proficient in using humor on our own behalf. Luckily, life provides many opportunities for this. (more…)

Dear Nurse Marge,

I’m a new nurse grad and after a year found a job. I work in an ambulatory surgery center, and there’s only the four of us, plus A., the ‘head nurse’. It didn’t take me too long to get the hang of things, I thought — but you wouldn’t know that from A. She criticizes everything I do — but she criticizes everything everyone does, and my fellow nurses say “That’s just how she is, you have to let it roll off your back.” How do I learn how to do that? I thought I’d get used to it, but its been months and it’s still driving me crazy!

Stressed Out

Dear Stressed Out,

The thing you have to do when dealing with criticism is consider the source. Are you getting harsh words from a patient in pain? They’re having a rough day; it’s easy to let it go. Have one friend who is sure your life would work so much better if you’d only do things her way? Who are you kidding, nurses never have time for friends anyway. Have a boss that constantly rips you apart but is integral in keeping your job? That’s the type of criticism you have to learn to ignore.

Some people will tell you you should listen to criticism and use it to improve your performance. These people may have a point, but you haven’t listened to them thus far, so why waste time thinking about that now? Besides, ignoring is a lot less work than self-improvement. You have to maintain your perspective here.

You don’t want to ignore people too overtly, especially if they’re in power. Do that, and they’ll make it even easier for you to ignore them, and that’s no good! So master the art of the smile and nod, the parrot response (you say back to her what she’s said to you, spinning it just enough so she thinks you think she’s a genius), and the artful dodge — the careful dance of being conveniently out of sight most of the time. Look to your colleagues: they are surely masters of it!

Earplugs are good too — especially if they’re really small!

Good luck!

Nurse Marge