Humor Solutions is Linda MacNeal’s company. Linda is a World Laughter Tour certified Laughter Leader, a former acrobatic clown with Ringling Brothers Barnum & Bailey Circus, and the author of five textbooks. (Written in her years as a FSP – Formerly Serious Person) On her website, you can see short video clips of Linda at work — sure to provoke a smile and help you take yourself lightly while remaining serious at work!
Horoscopes just for Nurses!
Gemini
Clear communication is highly valued by time-strapped Gemini this week. The only trick is finding the current administration-approved method of saying, “What in the world do you think you’re doing?” Good luck with your quest!
Cancer
The visitor who insists that they’re an OR nurse and more than capable of assisting with wound care hits the floor hard after getting a glimpse under the bandage. Cynical Cancer will not find this surprising.
Leo
The heat is on, Leo! Summertime brings out the best in you…and the more creative, innovative injuries, illnesses, and attempts at self medication among your patients. Enjoy exploring what you’d never thought possible this week, except for Monday, which will be distressingly normal.
Virgo
This week will have you pondering the feasibility of developing a debilitating allergy to NG tubes as a cause for workman’s comp…the worst of what’s inspiring this will pass after Wednesday.
Libra
Nurses need to listen to their bodies, Libra! When your body tells you that it’s time to head to the beach with a pile of trashy novels and a cooler full of iced beverages, grab those sunglasses, get the sunscreen and go…who cares that you’re scheduled for another 13 hours? A week of wishful thinking goes by faster if you give yourself even a few minutes of R&R here and there — you need the break!
Scorpio
Never judge a book by its cover, Scorpio — although you might be forgiven a little skepticism when the book your patient is carrying is “101 Ways To Make Big $ Selling Hospital Supplies on eBay!”
Sagittarius
The loftier the sentiment expressed in the patient’s tattoo, the greater the likelihood of visitor-induced drama. Words to live by this week, Sagittarius!
Capricorn
Working with a nurse determined to ‘eat their young’ and find yourself on the menu? Try drenching yourself with hot sauce prior to your shift. You shouldn’t be the only one on the unit with heartburn!
Aquarius
Dreams do come true, Aquarius. Particularly that recurring dream you have about falling asleep in the waiting room and being woken up by an irate manager wearing a chicken suit. Well, maybe not the chicken suit part — but it might be a good idea to catch up on your rest!
Pisces
Your 350 pound patient sitter just sat on a frail LOL – so much for extra help making work easier! Take care to completely articulate expectations whenever possible this week.
Aries
Why is it people who have such flawed judgment and bad decision making skills spend so much time worrying about what you do, Aries? A frustrating week could be in store unless you head it off at the pass. Humor helps. Taking a week’s vacation helps more.
Taurus
The four food groups are NOT Doritos, M&M’s, Coffee and Cold Pizza. Nutrition counts, Taurus: you have to take care of yourself BEFORE you take care of others. Also you’ll feel better when you eat better! Low energy levels can be restored, particularly after a mid-week commitment to self-care.
Star Charts by Suzanne LaBarne are for Entertainment Purposes ONLY!
As a young child I would beg my mother to let me mow the lawn. I loved walking behind the push mower watching its blades turn and churn up the grass, and hearing the rhythm as I walked up and down the yard. My least favorite part was having to rake up the grass afterwards.
I don’t think I’ve seen anyone mowing by hand in years. In fact most of them must be in antique stores waiting for someone to purchase them so they can turn them into lamps or clothes trees.
What I see now are individuals sitting on a riding lawn mower with grass catching capabilities. This type of equipment was used by farmers to clear the “back forty”. Now people are using it to mow a patch of grass the size of a postage stamp.
The noise these machines emit is somewhat analogous to a jet idling on a tarmac when you’re trying to sleep in on the weekend. I’m not quite sure why this has become the new paradigm for lawn maintenance, but I’m sure one of the reasons is that it looks cool, just like running around town doing errands in a big truck does.
We seem to like big in this country and fast and we want to expedite and multi task, so we can get as much done as possible in one day. If we can sit and do all our stuff, we’re even happier. I think eventually we will simply not have to move at all. Maybe our legs will turn into wheels. After all the evolutionary process has proven that when you don’t use it, you lose it.
Unfortunately our need to expedite and all our technology has decreased our calorie expenditure. My grandmother washed most things by hand including dishes, mopped or swept floors, and walked everywhere. She had incredible stamina and rarely if ever sat down to rest. She always told me that she knew that eventually she would have an eternity to rest.
My mother had the same mindset. Gadgets were considered unnecessary. A lot of her sense of self worth came from doing things that had a certain degree of physical and mental effort.
Believe me, I’m not proposing that we go back to outhouses or washing our clothes down by the river. But, perhaps we might want to integrate some of our past into the present. It just might be one of the answers to curbing the continuing rise of obesity.
Loretta LaRoche writes the Get a Life column for the Patriot Ledger.
The following clues represent phrases made up of words which a nurse might use in the course of a day. Each phrase is two words which rhyme. For example, “an intelligent ventricle” would be a “smart heart”. Understand how it works? See how many you can solve!
1. An iliac crest tear
2. A migraine drug
3. An injection for a small child
4. Ms. Nightengale’s olfactory organ
5. A cranial blood vessel
6. A fake defibrillation
7. A medication invoice
8. An angel of mercy’s pocket book
9. A rapid venipuncture
10. An anesthesia lesson
11. A cervical spine exam
12. A single skeletal component
13. A compensated nursing assistant
14. A sutured site pruritus
Click below for the answers! (more…)
Some people have an ideal weight. Some have an ideal height. Because you only know me from my writing and not in person, I could happily tell you I’m at my ideal height of 5’8”. Alas, that’s a foot and two inches away from reality. But a girl can dream.
Picture this. Surgery #7 had me in the usual big ol’ adult-size hospital bed, which makes sense as the peds floor kicked me out a few decades ago. (more…)
A couple just started their Lamaze class and they were given an activity requiring the husband to wear a bag of sand – to give him an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant.
The husband stood up and shrugged saying, “This doesn’t feel so bad.”
The instructor then dropped a pen and asked the husband to pick it up.
“You want me to pick up the pen as if I were pregnant, the way my wife would do it?” the husband asked.
“Exactly,” replied the instructor.
To the delight of the other husbands, he turned to his wife and said, “Honey, pick up that pen for me.”
Just another 12 hour holiday weekend night shift in the ER. Inner city, City/County Hospital. Level 1 Trauma Center, teaching facility. Literally a stones throw from the Mexican border. But hey, what could go wrong? Trauma codes in all 3 trauma bays need to be expedited because more are on the way. It seems some disagreements are being settled with the good old high velocity hot lead enema tonight. Some people have been waiting in the lobby for almost 24 hours. I know nurses are superior to mere mortals, but is it OK to say I was starting to feel a little bit stressed at this point?
We worked a regular schedule, so each shift was the same staff, and mine were the best. I was doing chest compressions in the Trauma suite when someone decided that tonight we needed to play Tourrette’s Syndrome. All I know is that while doing chest compressions, the youngest nurse with the most angelic face and sweetest disposition moved a stool near me and leaned over to whisper in my ear so that only I could hear. Little Miss Susy Cream cheese unleashed a chain of vulgarities beyond anything I could ever imagine, causing me, I believe, to be temporarily transported to another dimension, and when I returned I was laughing and crying (and doing chest compression) all at the same time, and to this day I believe I was in God’s presence for a few seconds.
All over the unit staff were whispering vulgar, profane, hedonistic, physically impossible things into each others ears causing laughter and tears, and decreasing the slight feeling of tension we were experiencing that terrible night. I lost track of how many celestial discharges we had from the trauma bays that night, but will be forever changed by my other worldly experience.
Contributed by Paul Millard
