Nurse Marge might not have all the answers, but after *ahem* years as a RN in some of the nation’s toughest hospitals, she sure knows how to make up something that sounds right! We get lots of questions here at JNJ, from nurses looking for advice and guidance and Nurse Marge has graciously agreed to answer them for us.
So with that, let’s turn the floor over to Nurse Marge!
Dear Nurse Marge,
I’ve just finished orientation at my new job, and it turns out they left out one critical bit of information. You can’t put anything down in this facility — your pen, your lunch, even your stethoscope — or it will come up missing! If I hadn’t of walked by the nurse’s station at exactly the right moment, one of the residents was going to walk off with my stethoscope — and when I confronted him about it, he said, “Oh, it looks just like mine!”
When I asked him if HIS stethoscope had MY name written all over it, he just glared at me and stomped away. I realize that medical school costs a lot of money, but if I had to shell out $250 for mine, can’t I expect him to pay for his? What is wrong with people?
Signed,
Shocked by Sticky Fingers
Dear Shocked,
Let me be the first to congratulate you on achieving Nursing’s First Realization: Orientation doesn’t tell you anything about what the job is really like. Of course, even the best orientations won’t include the fact that many of your colleagues, whether they’re nurses, doctors, or doctors-in-training, are beset with Swipeitits – a common yet seldom discussed condition that manifests in lost lunches, stethoscopes, and more.
There has been a great deal of ‘research’ into the causes of Swipeitis, but what’s really interesting are the ways you can combat it. Sometimes it’s necessary to forgo fashion for the sake of security: Pepto Bismol pink stethoscopes get stolen far less often than the traditional black ones. Canary yellow works well too, and don’t overlook acid green’s appeal — or lack thereof.
Get creative in your storage strategy. Think through where you leave things like lunches and bags — forgo supposedly safe locations like employee lockers and the breakroom, opting instead for innovative, little used spaces, such as the storage area for small gloves. That’s got to be perpetually empty, as most facilities haven’t had an adequate supply of gloves since 1931. Of course, this will mean having to leave the floor to run to your secret storage spot every time you need your stethoscope. In some lights, this could be seen as a drawback…but only in some lights.
Good Luck!
Nurse Marge
Have a question for Nurse Marge? Simply email it to her at Cindy@journalofnursingjocularity.com and our fearless editor will pass it along to her! Chances are good she’ll answer it in an upcoming column. Nurse Marge in Charge updates every Monday.
Also: Our lawyers insist that Nurse Marge’s advice and opinions are only that — advice and opinions. Use them at your own risk!
