Building security was patrolling the morning of my x-rays. Not seeing the handicap placard in full view on the dashboard (a result of the hangy part breaking off in cold weather), security issued an orange sticker warning for illegally parking in a handicap parking space.

And I was so proud of myself for remembering to move the placard from my car to the rental, just for this reason.

Not wanting to drive across town while fluorescing orange, I began peeling off the sticker. Gloved hands do not peel stickers well, and ungloved hands get mighty cold in zero degree temps. The sticker would stay, at least for now.

The rental car slip-slided across town to my house. I made it - until I reached my uber-slopey driveway. My only chance to make it up the icy slide was to gun it. The garage door needed to be open.

I reached for the garage door opener in its usual place on the visor. GONE.

I forgot to transfer it from my car to the rental. AUGGGGGG. (Your choice of words here.)

All I needed to do was enter my house from the front door and open the garage door from inside.

Piece o’cake.

I threw the car door open against the gale. Precariously, I trudged my way through snowdrifts to the front door. I attempted to turn the key.

The deadbolt was dead. The colder the temperature, the more stubborn it gets.

More expletives. There seems to be a pattern here.

Now what?

Aha! I could call my neighbor Tammy. She recently house-sat for me and learned the finer points of unlocking my stubborn deadbolt.

Could I really call her in this weather? Was there another option? Nope.

Being fabulous, Tammy immediately drove to my house, rescuing me from my snowy fate.

Turning the deadbolt took all the strength she had, which is fortunately much more than mine.

We’re in! Woo hoo!

After the rental was safely in my garage, my attention again turned to the glaring orange sticker on the window. Pfft.

This was a job for Gooey Gone.

Gooey Gone is effective. Gooey Gone is stinky. Good thing the stink could air out for 24 hours before the car needed to be returned. The rental company might not appreciate the sticker or the stench.

The great thing about snow in Colorado Springs is that it doesn’t last long, which is exactly the way snow should be.

Roads were clear the next day. Sticker stink was gone.

My own car was pristine again, my surgeon received my x-rays, and all was right with the world. Other than my newly developed fear of medical parking lots.

Stickability Specialist Kris Harty helps healthcare teams persevere through Compassion Fatigue. Kris is Chief Inspiration Officer of Strong Spirit Unlimited. By sharing Stickabilities, or tools, she learned from her own medically challenging life requiring a Walking Stick, Kris encourages healthcare professionals to Stick to it – no matter what! Diagnosed at age seven with Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis, she draws on 40 years of insight, research and stories as a healthcare recipient. She is the patient who now returns to say “You make a difference. Thank you.” Her message is content-rich, practical, engaging and inspiring – and sporadically funny. Kris reduces burnout, turnover, and Compassion Fatigue by re-engaging healthcare professionals, particularly nurses. Kris Harty is an inspirational keynote speaker, author and small group facilitator who helps people overcome challenges by creating unstoppable momentum in life and work. Clients say her message is life changing. Call 877.711.STICK, e-mail StrongSpirit@StrongSpiritUnlimited.com, or visit www.StrongSpiritUnlimited.com.

Get a Life by Loretta LaRoche

There’s no more permanent or certain characteristic of a vigorous mind than an unquenchable curiosity. I’m thankful that my grandparents never quelled my need to explore and seek out answers for many, many things.

Children are born with incredible inquisitiveness—-touching, smelling, and staring for long periods of time as they try to figure things out. Who hasn’t had a child or been around one who continually asks “Why?” When it’s answered, another why replaces it. The adult inevitably becomes exhausted and finally exclaims, “Because I said so”…which only creates another why. Kids are like the Energizer Bunny in all its glory—they’re a miniature FedEx. Nothing stops them!

Along the way, the desire to know may be dampened by overbearing parents or a life that has taken its toll on your spirit, but curiosity can be recaptured or enhanced by doing a variety of things. It really is about engaging and exploring.

Try a few of my suggestions: Some ideas are simply being present wherever you are, and some require a bit of effort. You choose where you’d like to begin.

*Whenever you’re in a place where you have to wait, engage others in conversation. Find out where they’re from and what they do. I love talking to people because I find out a lot about how folks live, what types of things they do, and what part of the world they’re from.

* When you take a walk, notice what’s around you—the foliage, the animals, the houses. Don’t just look, examine deeply. I love to pick up a leaf and study its construction. Take nothing for granted.

*Be available to others’ inquisitiveness, whether it’s coming from your children, grandchildren, mate or co-worker. Don’t stifle someone’s curiosity because you’ve lost yours.

Albert Einstein said it best. “The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity”.

Loretta LaRoche writes the Get a Life column for the Patriot Ledger.

Nurse Marge In Charge!

Nurse Marge might not have all the answers, but after *ahem* years as a RN in some of the nation’s toughest hospitals, she sure knows how to make up something that sounds right! We get lots of questions here at JNJ, from nurses looking for advice and guidance and Nurse Marge has graciously agreed to answer them for us.

So with that, let’s turn the floor over to Nurse Marge!

Dear Nurse Marge,

I’m a new nurse, having just graduated in December and finally landed a job. The problem is this: I’m young (23) and I look even younger than that. I mean, I get proofed to buy lottery tickets! This is turning out to be a problem: no one at the hospital is taking me seriously. Not the doctors, not the other nurses, and not even the patients! Last week, I had one of them ask me to ‘go get a grown up to take care of my Mother’!

Yours, Too Young in Three Rivers

Dear Too Young,

This is a problem? That I should have such problems! I’ve got uniforms older than you…

Seriously, the nice thing about this issue is that it’s self-resolving. You may look young now, but trust me: two years on this job, and you’re going to find yourself being offered senior citizen discounts when you go out to eat.

My advice? Take them. 10% off all these meals adds up!

If you don’t want to wait for the stress induced gray hair to mask your lack of years, here’s some tactics you can take to make your fellow nurses and the occassional doctor take you more seriously. I can’t promise this will work on every doctor, I’m a nurse, not a miracle worker!

First, it’s all about the attitude. If you want to be taken seriously, you have to act seriously. Confidence matters — a lot! Bear in mind that some of your fellow nurses were once in the same boat you are in now: we were all new nurses once. Of course, for some folks, that might mean they’ll have to stretch their mind back to the dark ages to remember that fact — but it’s true, never the less!

Second, the trick to a long career as nurse is to never miss an opportunity. When you’ve got a patient requesting a ‘grown up nurse’ — go find them one. Trust me, that’s not a patient you’re going to enjoy dealing with. Why not make them happy and hook them up with someone of more advanced years than you? Of course, if that nurse you find happens to be the one who gives you the roughest time about being the new kid on the block, well, some lessons just keep on giving, don’t they?

Simply smile, tell them the patient wants a grown up, and ‘You’re the most grown up person on the floor!” I’m sure they’ll be thrilled.

Good Luck!

Nurse Marge

Have a question for Nurse Marge? Simply email it to her at Cindy@journalofnursingjocularity.com and our fearless editor will pass it along to her! Chances are good she’ll answer it in an upcoming column. Nurse Marge in Charge updates every Monday.

Also: Our lawyers insist that Nurse Marge’s advice and opinions are only that — advice and opinions. Use them at your own risk!

Nurse Marge in Charge

Dear Nurse Marge,

The parking at our hospital is terrible. There’s not enough spaces for all of the staff, never mind patients’ families and visitors. It’s been this way for the entire five years I’ve been here, and from all these memos I’m reading about cutting costs and conserving supplies, it’s going to be that way for the foreseeable future. It’s not going to change.

Don’t Blame Me! I Bike!

Dear Don’t Blame Me!

Your instincts are right on, and I want to congratulate you on attaining one of the most important Nursing Skills: The ability to choke off the automatic response that any normal, sane person would give to an inane question.

You might want to try using some of your other nursing skills to address this question. Restating is particularly helpful. Try saying, “I hear you saying that you had a difficult time parking today.” Follow this up with other helpful observations, such as, “The sun appears to have risen in the East this morning!” and “Would you look at this? This glass of water is full of wet stuff!” can provide valuable reinforcement of the basic concept, and help with both comprehension and retention. It’s important that we provide this type of patient education — and people are so very grateful for the insight!

Empathy and limited self disclosure can help. State that you commiserate – and up the ante by sharing how far away you have to park, regularly, in order to make it to care for their relatives and friends. “Sixteen blocks! And there are no trains — not even a cab! You have to run the whole way! Uphill! And bears chase you! I’m not sure if they’re rabid, or if that white foam is just residue from too many Danskins chewed to bits!” It won’t make your visitor feel any better, but it will keep them entertained, and as we know, entertained visitors are visitors who put positive comments on those helpful survey cards that litter the place like so many self-referential doilies.

Learn from the MD’s: When they don’t know, they call in a consult! When that visitor stops you, immediately call in the head of buildings and grounds and perhaps the director of development. Together, you could address that pressing concern — or at least convince the powers that be that some signs addressing the parking situation should be hung sooner rather than later!

Good Luck!

Nurse Marge

Star Charts by Suzanne LaBarne

Horoscopes just for Nurses!

Cancer

Shouldn’t there be a RR for nurses? Somewhere lovely, after the shift’s done, where cell phones don’t work, and people who enter asking you anything besides “Is that enough chocolate or would you like more?” spontaneously combust?  Cancer’s inquisitive nature and a busy week has you searching for this wonderful place — let us know if you find it!

Leo

Knowing that all bleeding stops…eventually…and that ignoring a problem can, in fact, make it go away rather permanently is part of being a nurse.  It doesn’t however apply to interpersonal relationships with colleagues, friends, and random people you know! Speak up and take care of yourself NOW!

Virgo

When the obnoxious caller rings for the third time in two hours demanding to know how Mom is doing, tell them — substituting information about your own Mother.  This is a great solution, unless, of course, your Mother has passed away.  Use your judgment, people!

Libra

The good news, Libra, is that management has your back.  The bad news is that they’re considering it as the next sharps storage unit! Document, document, document.

Scorpio

It’s well known that a very fine line separates “Hobby” from “Mental Illness” — but this week, you’re not worried about that line — you’re dazzled by what your patients do for recreation!

Sagittarius

Did you hear about the butcher down in the ER? Backed right up into the meat grinder. Not only is he in really rough shape, but he’s behind at work!

Capricorn

Capricorn fears when security is called to pediatrics. Nerves settle down when it is revealed all the trouble was simply a three year old resisting a rest.

Aquarius

What happens to GI specialists when they die? Generally, we barium. May the winds of change be a source of delight to you this week, Aquarius!

Pisces

The simplest explanation is often the best one, which is good to keep in mind when taking patient histories! It’s amazing how often and awkwardly people will fall, particularly in states of undress…

Aries

What side of a duck has the most feathers? The outside! Aries, don’t get caught up in details to such a degree that you miss the big picture!

Taurus

If a patient’s refused medication, do the pills go to whoever calls dibs on them first? This can be an interesting discussion — particularly if the right ‘concerned visitors’ are around!

Gemini

Patients convinced of your superior nursing skills want you to diagnose what’s wrong with them based on the stool sample they conveniently brought from home, in the underpants they happened to be wearing. Tell them you only read tea leaves and tarot cards – anything else requires the MD’s personal attention!

Star Charts by Suzanne LaBarne are for Entertainment Purposes ONLY!

That’s What Humor Does by Steve Rizzo

Last week I was on my way to Kona, Hawaii to give a keynote speech to over one thousand people. I called home during my connection in Los Angeles and my wife told me my father passed away.

I made a decision to continue on to Kona. My plan was to give my speech the next day and then fly back home in time for the wake and funeral services.

The following morning I was at the hotel restaurant having breakfast. My thoughts were on my father and all the wonderful memories we shared. I felt a wave of emotions building up. The one thing I didn’t want to do, was to loose it at a restaurant. But it was too late, my emotions got the best of me and the tears began to fall.

Just then I felt a hand on my shoulder. It was my waitress. “Mr. Rizzo, she said, is everything alright?”

Without missing a beat, I turned around in my seat, looked her straight in the face and said, “No it’s not. This is the worst omelet I’ve ever had!” Read more

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