Journal of Nursing Jocularity

see more Lolcats and funny pictures, and check out our Socially Awkward Penguin lolz!

We interrupt today’s regularly scheduled funny programming to bring you news about the Joplin, MO tornado.  As you may have heard, a deadly tornado has hit Joplin, including a direct hit to St. John’s Regional Medical Center. Other facilities in the area, including a nursing home, were hit as well.  The devastation is unbelievable.

Right now, the best source of information we can find on how to help respond to this emergency is here. We’ll be updating the site with more information as it becomes available.  If you have any information on how nurses could help respond, please share it in the comments!

A doctor remarked on his patient’s ruddy complexion.

“I know” the patient said “It’s high blood pressure. It’s from my family.”

“Your mother’s side, or father’s side?” questioned the doctor.

“Neither,” the patient replied. “It’s from my wife’s side.”

“What?” the doctor said. “That can’t be. You can’t possibly get high blood pressure from your wife’s family!”

“Oh yeah?” the patient responded “You should meet them sometime!”

Recently, a string of deadly tornados raced through Alabama and neighboring states, causing unprecedented damage. Many towns are almost entirely destroyed. The impact on the affected communities is tremendous. Emergency response teams and local medical personnel have been working tirelessly to meet the demands of this crisis. As you can imagine, more help is always welcome and right now is especially needed. . Click here to learn what opportunities are available for nurses to volunteer their help: How to Help

One of our older patients really couldn’t safely live alone anymore, yet she was really resistant to her daughter’s plan to have her move into the local senior living center. I asked her why she didn’t want to move, expecting all the usual answers about loss of independence or not wanting to give up her home. You could have floored me when she said, “I’m not going over there because that place is full of AIDS! I don’t want to get AIDS!”

“What do you mean, AIDS?” I asked her.

“Hearing aids, band aids, walking aids…they’ve got all of that over there and I don’t want no part of it!”

We’d just gotten a new resident on the skilled nursing floor where I work, and I was taking his history. Mr. J was a really nice guy, very friendly and amiable. He shared that he’d been retired for a while now.

“What type of work did you do?” I asked him.

“I used to be a building contractor, but now I’m a secret agent.”

I thought I didn’t hear him right. “What did you say?”

“I’m a secret agent,” Mr. J laughed. He lifted his hand, and I could see he had Parkinson’s. “I’m shaking, not stirred!”

Contributed by Rita R, Illinois

see more Lolcats and funny pictures, and check out our Socially Awkward Penguin lolz!

A recent examination of the JNJ Library reminded us of one our favorite cartoon collections:Suture Self: A Book of Medical Cartoons by New Yorker Cartoonist

Leo Cullum created these cartoons while battling colon cancer, with some gentle (and not so gentle!) jabs at the medical industry.This is a second opinion- I thought you had something else! one caption reads. Cullum’s cartoons are good for an instant (if sometimes wry!) smile.

Of course, these are the notes of Clueless Cathy, the Silliest Student Nurse EVER! Whenever she goes, confusion follows…imaging working a shift with these ‘definitions’!

Anesthesia…Movie about crazy Russian girl

Aorta…Responsibility, as in “Aorta empty that bedpan”

Atrophy…Bowling team award

Blue Baby…Newborn Smurf

Caplet…Beanie

Coccyx…More than one penis

Colon…Punctuation mark

Coma….Ditto

Diarrhea…Little book of personal thoughts

Eroded Disc…Worn out LP

Fibula…Little white lie

Fractures…One half, one third…numbers like that

Hyperextension…Extra-long telephone cord

Lobotomy…Getting your ears pierced

Medicine…Invented lightbulb

Shingles…Those thingies on roof

Spinal Tap…Rock band or dance step

Sternum…Canned heat for camping

Tongue Depressor…Makes tongue sad

X-rayed…Starred in an “Adult” movie

Dear Nurse Marge,

I work in a dermatologist’s office, and most of the time, the job is great. Getting time off is a real struggle, though – you have to request your days months in advance, and with two nurses off on maternity leave and the other one going through some personal issues, the odds of getting any time off are slim.

These Irish Eyes Aren’t Smiling

Dear These Irish Eyes,

If it was me, I wouldn’t bother trying to get the time off. Consider this a learning experience – now you’ll know not to make rash promises!

Good Luck!

Nurse Marge