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Get a Life by Loretta LaRoche

Over the last twenty years or so our culture has become besotted with the concept that happiness is contingent on having positive thoughts. The pursuit of this belief drives many people to think something is wrong with them. The irony is that this very belief creates even more unhappiness. Many of us have been acculturated since childhood to love happy endings.

Unfortunately, life often hands us lemons and we can’t always make lemonade out of them by simply thinking positive thoughts. In fact a certain degree of negativity allows for self reflection, allowing us to look at a problem from different perspectives.

A body of research focused on “defensive pessimism” has shown that we need pessimistic thoughts to navigate life in a balanced way. Many things we value bring a wide range of feelings.

You can have a wonderful partner, but unless he’s a robot, there will be times when he/she disappoints you, and conflicts will rise. All my happily ever thoughts did not stop me from getting divorced.

A job may bring great satisfaction, but inevitably something may happen, like pay cuts or termination. Good health can be disrupted by minor or major illnesses.

Repeatedly filling your head with positive thoughts and images may be a step in the right direction, but life is not that simple.

In fact trying to avoid unpleasant feelings often gives them more of a foothold. For example consider this analogy: “There’s a pink elephant standing in the middle of your room, but I don’t want you to think about him”. I would bet that you are having a hard time not conjuring up that elephant. I have discovered that whenever I struggle with something, it takes more of a foothold.

So does this mean that you should not attempt to engage in more positive types of thoughts and emotions? Absolutely not! But do consider making space for unpleasant feelings.

Become more aware of your thoughts and what you do about them. Becoming more “mindful” allows us to become more adept at using acceptance or action to solve our problems. A flexible mind gives us the opportunity to bounce back from life’s challenges. And that just might make us feel happier.

Loretta LaRoche writes the Get a Life column for the Patriot Ledger.

JNJ Twitter Updates for 2010-08-29

• A day in the life of a radiologist. Ok, a little foul language–but funny! http://ow.ly/2wqOr #

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JNJ Twitter Updates for 2010-08-24

• "Pt was transferred in stale condition." Tnx @gigglemed #

Get a Life By Loretta LaRoche

We live in a world where everyone expects things to come quickly and easily. God forbid we should have to wait a few extra minutes for a cup of coffee or have to put up with traffic. Fast-food restaurants have become a metaphor for life: Get it fast and easy!

It just may well be that as we’ve gone down this road, we’ve lost something along the way. Consider the following startling facts:

*Rates of depression have risen in recent decades, at the same time that people are enjoying time-saving conveniences such as microwave ovens, e-mail, prepared meals, and machines for washing clothes and moving lawns.

* People of earlier generations, whose lives were characterized by greater efforts just to survive, paradoxically, were mentally healthier. (Our) human ancestors also evolved in conditions where hard physical work was necessary to thrive.

* By denying our brains the rewards that come from anticipating and executing complex tasks with our hands…we undercut our mental well being. (Scientific American Mind ).

Evidently, we’d feel a deep sense of satisfaction when true physical and mental effort produces something tangible. The newer generations have tried very hard to create atmospheres and situations that are comfortable and rewarding.

Much of that mindset has produced individuals who “want what they want, when they want it”. Losing weight should be instant, therefore we want our food in boxes or cans that are so-called easy weight loss plans. Finding a mate has boiled down to five minute lunch dates. You sit with someone for a few minutes and are supposed to gauge whether they might fit your criteria. Children are supposed to be rewarded for just showing up at a sports activity, even if they haven’t any skills.

Sadly it is creating a society that will not have a lot of resiliency which comes essentially from hard work and having to put up with situations you’re not in the mood for.

Studies in longevity consistently point out that those who reach one hundred have been through hard times, and were able to adapt to those situations.

Maybe the real success in staying well mentally and physically is in discovering that the mind and body like effort. Perhaps that’s what makes us thrive and survive!

Loretta LaRoche writes the Get a Life column for the Patriot Ledger.

JNJ Twitter Updates for 2010-08-21

• Vuja Day: The feeling that you've had dyslexia before. #

Get a Life by Loretta LaRoche

I was both amused and saddened by the incident on board JetBlue that propelled Steven Slater a flight attendant for over twenty years to blow his cool. His decision to respond to a passenger’s rudeness will likely cost him his job and perhaps a prison sentence.

A huge portion of the population felt a sense of satisfaction that at last someone had the nerve to say what so many stuff every day. I fly a lot and I have witnessed a lot of situations that have left me in a state of disbelief.

Flying used to be something you felt was special and you even dressed for the occasion. People often had their Sunday best on and behaved as if they were visiting their old maiden aunt. Over the years I have seen clothing on individuals that looked as if that had just rolled out of bed. Disheveled doesn’t even cut it.

Food is brought on board now and many don’t care if their pizza carton spills over onto your lap, or that you really don’t want to hear them chewing and talking on their cell phone at the same time.

Some people spend time trying to shove an over loaded suitcase into a bin meant to handle a gerbil’s luggage. It doesn’t matter to them that there are twenty or so people behind them waiting to get on. The world has become filled with entitled, self absorbed individuals whose primary goal in life is to get what they need at the expense of the rest of us.

I have watched as individuals walk into elevators as I’m trying to get out with no thought that they should wait. Their eyes are glazed over and their ear is glued to a phone as they blah, blah, blah!

One has only to read the newspaper daily to see the results of how our lack of civility has begun to unravel our society. We are less patient, more aggressive and violence is more prevalent. I don’t ever remember reading about a disgruntled employee killing several of their co-workers when I was growing up. It seems par for the course over the last several years.

Does this mean we’re all going to hell in a hand basket? No, because there are many kind, considerate, patient people who role model civility every day. However, we might want to view Slater’s dilemma as one that we should all begin to respond to by being more vigilant every day about how we communicate and react. Our presence in the world can make a positive or negative impact..you choose.

Loretta LaRoche writes the Get a Life column for the Patriot Ledger.

Get a Life by Loretta LaRoche

I travel a lot and because of that, I’m often at the mercy of using public restrooms. It used to be easy. The toilet paper was on a wooden spindle and it was easy to get what you needed. The sinks had faucets that turned on and off, and the paper towel dispenser was pretty simple.

Well, those days are gone forever as technology marches on even into bathrooms. I know part of the changes are based on creating less waste, but I think it has also created high levels of frustration.

Some efficiency master mind decided how long most people take to empty their bladders and as a result the toilet flushes whether you’re done or not. There have been times when flushing has occurred five or ten times in 30 second intervals making me feel as if I’m visiting Niagara Falls.

Once you’ve established yourself, try getting the toilet paper. If you can manage to grab a piece from the new Ferris wheel like gadget, you’ll be lucky if you can get more than a couple of pieces, and you may also get your hand stuck and have to have it extracted by the jaws of life.

If they’re looking to save money why don’t they take more time figuring out that we are all not in a race to just “come and go”.

Washing your hands is like playing a game you can never win. I recently spent at least five minutes trying to get the water to turn on. The woman next to me shared that I had to make sure my hand passed over the sensor under the faucet, otherwise it would not turn on. Why has hand washing turned into a segment for Survivor?

We’ve all been warned that we need to be vigilant about the germs that linger on every surface ready and willing to invade our bodies and establish residence until we come down with whatever bug resistant illness is the disease du jour. But how can we protect ourselves if the sinks and faucets don’t cooperate.

Perhaps directions are in order. If they were printed clearly over each sink we might have a chance at survival.

But then, you also have to dry your hands, and now there are automatic dispensers that you press and voila the paper spills out. Unfortunately, the little red eye on the dispenser doesn’t always know you only need only one or two sheets. I have often watched as individuals drag their suitcases out the door with several hand towels stuck under the wheels.

Maybe what we all need to travel with are portable potties. Then we can go on our own terms.

Loretta LaRoche writes the Get a Life column for the Patriot Ledger.

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