Journal of Nursing Jocularity

see more funny videos, and check out our Yo Dawg lols!

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see more Lolcats and funny pictures, and check out our Socially Awkward Penguin lolz!

One of my older patients noticed the laptops we’re using for charting now and asked what that was all about. I explained about electronic medical records, and said that one day, the experts predict we’ll be using computers for everything.

“I’d like to see how we’re supposed to wipe our backsides then!” was his reply!

Are your patients funny people? Share their best comments, quips, insights and observations with us. Send them to Cindy@journalofnursingjocularity.com

But we now have:

see more Lolcats and funny pictures, and check out our Socially Awkward Penguin lolz!

Coming soon the end of the world due to heavy lifting: The Rupture!

• The sight of someone covering their cough causes you to do a double-take – just as you’re sprinting to answer the call light, of course.  The resulting fall is so spectacular you’re advise to try out for “America’s Got Talent”!
• You fill out ‘frequent flier’ medical histories from memory – and your more forgetful regular patients have been known to ask you little details like their home address!
• You no longer blanch when a patient with multiple piercings and full-sleeve tattoos tells you they’re afraid of needles.
• When a patient tells you how many drinks they’ve had, you automatically multiply the total by four.
• You make a point of making sure to use the bathroom every single day – whether you (with your Winnebago holding tank size bladder!) need to or not!

see more So Much Pun

During a visit to a military medical clinic, I was sent to the lab to have blood drawn.

The technician there was friendly and mentioned that his mood improved every day because he was due to leave the service in two months.

As he applied the tourniquet on my arm, he told me that taking the blood wouldn’t hurt much.

Then, noticing my Air Force T-shirt he asked me what my husband did.

When I replied that he was a recruiter, the technician smiled slyly and said, “This might hurt a little more than I thought.”

***

1. Rules of wounds
   1. A “sucking chest wound” is nature’s way of telling you to slow down.
   2. If you’re bleeding to death, say something witty.
   3. If you’re actually dying, say something deep.

   ***
   Watertightness Check

   At a naval barracks the enlisted men were being given their shots prior to going overseas. One lad, having received his series of injections, asked for a glass of water.

   “What’s the matter, Mate?” asked the sick bay attendant. “Do you feel pain?”

   “No. I just want to see if I’m still watertight!”

   ***

   Did you know that the Army can cure death? It’s true:

   During an Army war game, a commanding officer’s jeep got stuck in the mud. The C.O. saw some men lounging around nearby and asked them to help him get unstuck.

   “Sorry sir,” said one of the loafers, “but we’ve been classified dead and the umpire said we couldn’t contribute in any way.”

   The C.O. turned to his driver and said, “Go drag a couple of those dead bodies over here and throw them under the wheels to give us some traction.”