Lost in Translation…Or Maybe Not!

A maternity nurse was walking past the hospital staffroom, where she heard two African doctors talking, “I’m telling you it’s wumba: W-U-M-B-A,” said the first.

“No. It’s woombaa: W-O-O-M-B-A-A,” said the second.

“No, no, no. Wumba: W-U-M-B-A,” said the first again.

At this the nurse popped her head through the door, “I think you’ll find, gentlemen, that its WOMB: W-O-M-B.”

The two doctors looked blankly at her, until one of them said, “Miss, I doubt if you’ve ever even SEEN a water buffalo, let alone heard one fart in a mudpool.”

A Patient’s Take on Research

I was very surprised to have one of our quieter patients, an older gentleman who is clearly uncomfortable with a good portion of the treatment he’s undergoing, say: So you’ve probably seen the headline by now regarding the study linking smoking and colon cancer. Read more

Someone Call Al Gore!

Read more

Star Charts by Suzanne LaBarne

Horoscopes just for Nurses!

Pisces

You’ll find yourself needing some alone time this week, Pisces. Let your colleagues help you achieve solitude by throwing a handful of retractable fine point sharpies down the hall, away from the nursing station.

Aries

Recent news has many nurses watching the weather forecast with anxious eyes. Creative Aries doesn’t stress: why worry when you can commandeer the administration’s office and turn it into emergency housing/party pit/hot tub?

Taurus

Frustrations about for Taurus this week, especially centered around the ‘customer service’ model of health care. It makes it tough when we just can’t return defective units to the manufacturer for a replacement!

Gemini

No interest you will ever have, no passion, no ambition, will ever match your LOL’s fascination with her bowels. Imagine all that determination applied to solving the world’s problems!

Cancer

This week brings the return of Mrs. Grouchalot, the patient who knows you can’t do anything right. And guess what? While she was away, her daughter married the DON’s son!

Leo

Social Leo feels the need to isolate this week, at least until JCAHO goes home. Try tying a bell on an inspector, and keep moving away from the ringing.

Virgo

If your peds patient’s parent tells you their child has a temp of 350 because they ‘felt as hot as the oven’ under no circumstances eat the baked goods they bring to the nurses’ station as a thank you.

Libra

There is no I in TEAM, Libra. You know what that means? It’s okay to let someone else volunteer to head the committee.

Scorpio

The beginning of the week is going to be particularly rough — for you and those around you. (Might not want to tell your patients that!) Be proactive and fight off the bad mood. You influence more people than you know. One smile can transform multiple days! Surprising influences crop up on the 5th, perhaps from a visitor or patient’s family member.

Sagittarius

You’ve got it going on! Nothing is going to phase the Sagittarian nurse this week. Projectile vomiting? No big deal Three codes in thirty seconds? You can handle it — you’re SuperNurse! Just be advised: there aren’t a whole lot of phone booths anymore. You’ll want to be more discerning about where you choose to change into your tights and cape.

Capricorn

Thinking of abandoning the hustle and bustle of the ER for the relative calm of psychiatric nursing? Looking for greener pastures in geriatrics? This is a positive time for change, Capricorn — if you want to make a move in your personal or professional life, the 3rd is a great time to start!

Aquarius

They tell you to trust your gut — and here you are with IBS! Don’t let doubt get in your way, particularly when it comes to making difficult decisions. You’ve got wisdom, insight, and intuition: use this week to practice trusting your judgment. This is particularly true on Friday, when you may be needed to make a difficult call.

Star Charts by Suzanne LaBarne are for Entertainment Purposes ONLY!

Bowel Search: Seek and Find Puzzle

Occupational Hazards

An old G.P. and his nurse were on the train, going to a Medical Conference. Opposite them was a man furiously scratching his elbow.

“I wonder what’s the matter with him?” asked the nurse.

“He’s a patient of mine and, in confidence, I can tell you that he suffers badly from hemorroids,” replied the G.P.

“Well, why he’s scratching his elbow?” asked the puzzled nurse.

“Oh, he’s a politician, and he doesn’t know his ass from his elbow.”

Now That’s A Thorough Doctor

Found in the charts of an anonymous practice, somewhere, USA: Read more

Is It Safe To Laugh: When To Use Humor As A Nursing Intravention

It had not been Jenny T’s best day ever. After discovering that she — along with many of her colleagues — were being downsized out of a job, she’d gone out with some friends. They’d had a few drinks, but Jenny wasn’t behind the wheel when they headed home. That didn’t help her much — she’d spent most of the night in the ER, being ‘reassembled’, after the car she was riding in was involved in an accident. We tried to reach her husband, and when we finally did, it turned out he was at his girlfriend’s house and he wasn’t in a big old hurry to come see her — seeing as the girlfriend still had a job and all, he figured it was as good a time as any to jump ship.

What, she asked Linda, her ER nurse, was she going to do?

Linda, a RN with a great deal of experience, had taken in the whole sad tale. She listened, thought about it, and said, “I think you better write this all down and sell it to a country music singer. You’ll make a million dollars.” Read more

More Medical Daffy-nitions

Alzheimer’s disease
Ahhhh…ummmm….sorry, it’s gone again

Amenorrhea
The result of spending too much time in church. A couple of weeks in Vegas usually eliminates the symptoms.

Cerebral hemorrhage
The thinking mans hemorrhage

Club foot
The inevitable result of too many nights on the dance-club floor. A simple remedy for this is particular ailment is marriage.

DysPEPSIa
A type of indigestion brought on by over-consumption of one particular fizzy cola beverage

Elephantiasis
A strange birth defect in which the sufferer has a body part that would be more in keeping with an elephant, rather than a human. Some get big feet, the well-known “Elephant man” had the trunk, and, of course, the elusive porn stars…..

Irritable bowel syndrome
A condition that may develop when a bowel has had a real gut-full of all the sh** it has to deal with

Middle ear infection
This is rarely seen; mainly because most people have only a left ear and a right ear. But for those lucky enough to have one in the middle, watch out, it might get infected

Stye
Normally a place where pigs and teenagers live. So, you want to hope that you don’t get one of these in your eye on the night of the big date….

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This Kitty Works Triage, Clearly

February 22, 2010 by admin · Leave a Comment 

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

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