Journal of Nursing Jocularity

The nurse who can smile when things are going wrong is going off duty!

We’d just gotten a new resident on the skilled nursing floor where I work, and I was taking his history. Mr. J was a really nice guy, very friendly and amiable. He shared that he’d been retired for a while now.

“What type of work did you do?” I asked him.

“I used to be a building contractor, but now I’m a secret agent.”

I thought I didn’t hear him right. “What did you say?”

“I’m a secret agent,” Mr. J laughed. He lifted his hand, and I could see he had Parkinson’s. “I’m shaking, not stirred!”

Contributed by Rita R, Illinois

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The medical journal “Dermatologic Surgery” reports that injecting Botox into frown lines appears to ease depression. A competing journal, “Poppy Seed Weekly,” reports that nothing injects happy like heroin.

A classic joke for “Keep America Beautiful” month!

Elaine was from Beverly Hills. One day, she had a heart attack and was taken to Cedars Sinai hospital.

While on the operating table, she had a near-death experience. She saw God and asked, “Is this it?”

God said, “No, you have another 30 to 40 years to live.”

Upon her recovery, and armed with such great news for her future, she decided to stay in the hospital and have collagen shots, cheek implants, a face lift, liposuction and breast augmentation. She even had someone dye her hair. She figured since she had another 30 to 40 years, she might as well make the most of it.

She walked out of Cedars Sinai lobby after the last operation and was killed by an ambulance speeding up to the hospital.

She arrived in front of God and said, “I thought you said I had another 30 to 40 years?”

God replied, “Elaine! I didn’t recognize you!”

see more Lolcats and funny pictures, and check out our Socially Awkward Penguin lolz!

The next time you are on the reciprocating end of an unwarranted rant by a physician, I want you to talk to them in Olde English. What’s this you say, a way to screw with AH doctors? How do I sign up?

Let me give you an example:

Let’s say a certain surgeon who shall not be named tells you that one of his patients is coming in and to call him as soon as they arrive at the hospital.

Shortly thereafter, the patient arrives but now the surgeon is nowhere to be found.

You call him over the intercom, inquire his locale at the OR desk and physically circle the hospital to no avail. Sure, you have patients to care for and things to chart, but having time to do your job is boring! You decide to make it more challenging by going on a wild goose chase.

Eventually, you give up the search and call out a page. You didn’t want to resort to something so drastic, so extreme, as to make a phone call. But, not only did he ask you to call him, the patient has been pacing the floor for an hour and is now quite loudly demanding the appearance of said surgeon.

Fast forward another 30 minutes… (more…)

After a car accident, our patient had a jagged piece of metal stuck in his head.  It had penetrated the skull, but he was extremely lucky and avoided brain injury – none of us are exactly sure how! After some long hours of surgery, our patient was back on his feet in no time.

At a follow up visit, this patient confessed that he was convinced that there was still some metal from the accident inside of his skull.  There was no persuading him otherwise – he was sure he could “feel large pieces of metal rattling inside my brainpan”.  His anxiety about this was so severe that an x-ray was ordered so we could show him definitively that all the metal was indeed out of his head.

He waited with his wife for the results.  The doc, confident that he could make everything better for this patient, breezed into the room, threw the x-rays up, and proclaimed with a giant smile on his face, “You see? Everything’s fine! You’ve got nothing in there at all!”

An office manager was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them one question and their answer would determine who would get the job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table the interviewer asked, “What is the fastest thing you know of?” pointing to the man on his right. (more…)