Nurse 4 Sale by Paul C. Millard, RN, Etc

USED ER NURSE FOR SALE!

Older model Male. High mileage, full size model. Paint is fading from black to gray and falling off the top. Headlights out of focus, engine sometimes skips at idle, recent suspension work (ball joints). Stock sound system works fine. Frame is bent from motorcycle collision. Frequent foul exhaust, occasional backfire through the intake, small fluid leaks. Needs  fuel additives twice daily for best operation. Used daily. Ideal for someone who wants reliability but not worried about bling or latest gadgets. Denim upholstery easily upgraded if desired. Best offer takes it and associated spare parts (crutches, walker, cane, assorted extra upholstery many embroidered with names of previous owners). Will take best offer. No dealers. Call Paul at 555-geezer-boomer.

Hell or Heaven By Steve Rizzo

Ralph Waldo Emerson was right when he said, “To different minds, the same world is a hell or heaven.” It’s a matter of perspective. The same occurrence can be experienced and interpreted in different ways by different people. Read more

To: All Hospital Personnel from the desk of Paul C. Millard, RN, Etc

In light of the current economic difficulties, the following cost cutting measures will be implemented immediately. Please post this memo and share with your coworkers. Managers will schedule you if needed to help you accomplish these sorely needed changes.

Food services will be outsourced to the McDonald’s dollar menu. The cafeteria microwave ovens will be used to replace x-ray equipment.

Bio-Med repairs have been outsourced to the “Geek Squad.” They will be in house tomorrow to work on the microwave ovens on the floors. By reversing the wiring we will be able to use them as air conditioners.

Staff driving to work should bring the corner stalkers with their “will work for food” signs. They will replace the maintenance staff in return for food, magic markers and cardboard. Read more

Goodbye, John

John Callahan, cartoonist, musician, humorist beyond compare, died this weekend.  He was 59 years old, an age which I may be perhaps indulged in claiming to be too young, far too young, to be gone.

It’s always too soon for the great ones to go, isn’t it?  Make no mistake: John was one of the great ones.  His work demonstrates to all of us the true value of humor. It is only when we laugh that we can transcend pain — gaining respite if only for a moment, garnering the strength we need to carry on another day.

He did all of this in a way that made many readers uncomfortable. Crass, rude, profane, vulgar –  John’s cartoons were all of these and more.  Callahan did not pull his punches. “This is a feminist bookstore!” one famous cartoon read. “There is no humor section here!” Read more

That’s What Humor Does by Steve Rizzo

Last week I was on my way to Kona, Hawaii to give a keynote speech to over one thousand people. I called home during my connection in Los Angeles and my wife told me my father passed away.

I made a decision to continue on to Kona. My plan was to give my speech the next day and then fly back home in time for the wake and funeral services.

The following morning I was at the hotel restaurant having breakfast. My thoughts were on my father and all the wonderful memories we shared. I felt a wave of emotions building up. The one thing I didn’t want to do, was to loose it at a restaurant. But it was too late, my emotions got the best of me and the tears began to fall.

Just then I felt a hand on my shoulder. It was my waitress. “Mr. Rizzo, she said, is everything alright?”

Without missing a beat, I turned around in my seat, looked her straight in the face and said, “No it’s not. This is the worst omelet I’ve ever had!” Read more

Ode (Owed?) To a Triage Nurse

Doing the paperwork
surrounded by locks

all of this chaos
in the triage box

get a good history
front man for docs

get them seen quickly
or so angrily they gawk

telephone’s ringing
stab wound in walks

voice at the window
at the door knocks

rash covered patient
is it a pox

even when quiet (yeah right)
hear monitors and clocks

please help me quickly
a scared patient talks

a policeman’s radio
behind you it squawks

a “code 13″ patient
security stalks

think like an owl
act like a fox

hope someone relieves you
before it runs in your socks

Contributed by Paul Millard, RN, Etc

If You Can Find Humor in Anything by Steve Rizzo

Years ago, I was watching a television news special. Dan Rather was interviewing Bill Cosby only weeks after his son was murdered. After sharing his grief over his son’s death, the comedian was asked what I thought was a very difficult, if not unfair, question. “Now that Bill Cosby’s son is no longer with us,” said Rather “what is Bill Cosby going to do with the rest of his life?” Cosby contemplated the question for a few seconds and confidently said, “I think it’s time for me to tell the people that we have to laugh. We’ve got to laugh. You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything…you can survive it.” I think that about says it all!!!!!

www.steverizzo.com

Theory on the Beauty of the Bedpan by Theresa Galakatos

1. The purpose of my choice, the bedpan, is to better understand the bedpan in its natural environment, its ability to mitigate perplexing situations, and its breathtaking encounters behind the scenes. To remove any preconceived notions about the bedpan and its purpose the investigator must maintain a scientific detachment due to relative internal pressures, fallout issues, or the possibility of false alarms. Good research will typically uncover link after link of knowledge identifying months of vast, fully formed explications with rebuttals. The researcher’s opinion with regards to purpose or outcome should not vary however due to different structural components or dependent on form and context, one’s involvement and experience with the bedpan may present unique descriptive or qualitative knowledge for the discipline of nursing.

2. A description of the bedpan for this theoretical analysis is called Emperor III Avant-Garde with an easier to clean form and improved comfort design. The yellow or rose colored full sized model holds deposits of up to one liter and is easy to handle with grips on both sides – the fracture bedpan holds moderate deposits.

3. The bedpan’s look is simple in quality and style with a simplified strength found in early Greek sculpture. Its oval shape and featherweight body aim to help with a quick response to patients in body casts or with new hip repairs. Read more

Nursery Rhymes by Susan Elaine Arnold, RN, BSN, CCRN

The following clues represent phrases made up of words which a nurse might use in the course of a day. Each phrase is two words which rhyme. For example, “an intelligent ventricle” would be a “smart heart”. Understand how it works? See how many you can solve!

1. An iliac crest tear
2. A migraine drug
3. An injection for a small child
4. Ms. Nightengale’s olfactory organ
5. A cranial blood vessel
6. A fake defibrillation
7. A medication invoice
8. An angel of mercy’s pocket book
9. A rapid venipuncture
10. An anesthesia lesson
11. A cervical spine exam
12. A single skeletal component
13. A compensated nursing assistant
14. A sutured site pruritus

Click below for the answers! Read more

The In ‘N Out Patient by Kris Harty

We haven’t met before, yet you know me well.

You know me so well that you sometimes know me better than I know myself. You know intimate details about me that those closest to me might not know. And maybe never should.

I’m not fully aware of all you do for me (as I’m sometimes heavily sedated), but I can tell you that you make a difference in my life.

I’m not as appreciative as I could be. I’m not a great partner in this relationship. Did I say ‘great partner?’ Pfft. I’m barely a good partner. Take, take, take – that’s me. Much of the time, I’d rather not be in this relationship at all. Nothing personal.

You put up with my moodiness. Some days, I’m downright rude and nasty. Do you complain or return my nastiness? Nooooo. You might want to, but you don’t. Instead, you continue to be the professional you are and help me however you can.

Who the heck puts up with the kind of stuff I dish? In most any other relationship, I’d suggest you get out now!

But I’m so grateful you don’t. I’m so thankful you stay. Read more

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