Journal of Nursing Jocularity

• When stripping a bed, there will invariably be a surprise package in it.  Wear gloves.
• Armpit odor will linger on your forearm for two days.  Drape a towel over your arm before your lift your patient onto the shower chair.
• Bleach helps remove BM from under your fingernails.
• Always avert your face when disconnecting any type of urine tubing.  Droplets will flick in your direction.
• Dear, sweet Granny will drool on your shoulder while you lovingly help her pivot into bed.
• When you turn patients over to wash their backs and bottoms, expect a release of gas.
• During your career in Chronic Care Nursing, you will be called a whore (and many other choice words) in at least six different languages.
• Your unit will always have at least one finger paint artist whose favorite color is brown.
• That same patient is usually the one that loves to  hold your hand and pinch your cheek.
• The patient you just meticulously groomed will have a messy accident just as his son, a prominent lawyer, walks in.
• The newer and more expensive your unit is, the greater the chance pureed spinach will be sneezed onto it.
• Cups of OJ with Peri-Colace mixed in will be flung at you with great regularity.
• Never buy work shoes that cannot be thrown in the wash with copious amounts of bleach.
• The biggest complainer on your unit will have a daughter on your hospital’s Board of Trustees. When the Nurses’ Aides have gone on break and you are passing meds, at least six patients will urgently need to be helped to the bathroom. Simultaneously, your supervisor and at least two physicians will appear.
• The MOM you gave, hoping it would kick in on the next shift, takes effect the next day, when you are in the previous situation.
• Yes, you too will come face-to-face with an exploding colostomy bag.
• By the time you retire, you will become an expert translator of gibberish in multiple languages, including Physicianese.
• Disasters come in clusters. Always have several incident report forms, death certificates, lab forms, straight-cath kits, suction machines, x-ray requisitions and suture kits ready before you begin your shift.
• The family that only visits once a year will find it absolutely incomprehensible that their Mom with Alzheimer’s doesn’t recognize them, but she just loves you and the rest of the staff.

By Christine Stephens, RN

see more Lolcats and funny pictures, and check out our Socially Awkward Penguin lolz!

see more Lolcats and funny pictures, and check out our Socially Awkward Penguin lolz!

see more Lolcats and funny pictures, and check out our Socially Awkward Penguin lolz!

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Overheard:

Wife speaking to marriage counselor: “And now I’ll explain my husband’s side of the story!”

You don’t have to BE funny to SEE funny — which is great news if you’re searching for a nursing job. The health benefits of humor manifest no matter the source of the laughter! One way to take advantage of this fact is to be a humor collector.

A humor collector pays attention, keeping a watchful eye for the funny side of life. You never know where humor may surprise you. It could be the little sign on the Labor & Delivery door that says Push. Push. Push. It could be the old man who shushes you at the bowling alley, telling you he needs to hear a pin drop. It could be the funny picture you found posted on your friend’s Facebook.

Save those moments. Collect them! Some people do this with a journal or blog — If I find a funny news story, I Tweet* about it so the people who follow me can share in the humor as well. One quip, funny story, or funny cat picture at a time, you can accumulate quite a bit of funny stuff. Accumulation is important. You want to be able to return to the things that made you laugh on those occasions when you, like everyone else, gets discouraged. A humor collection is a valuable resource to shore up sagging morale, boost your spirits, and sometimes, just keep you going out there another day.

Best of all, unlike many other collectibles, humor is free. There’s no price tag on laughter. You can build a great collection without spending a dime, simply by being in the moment and open to the humor that happens all around us, each and every day.

*Twitter Users check out @NurseTogether @KarynBuxman; @FunnyNurse,

Yours in laughter!

see more Lolcats and funny pictures, and check out our Socially Awkward Penguin lolz!

I was in the first quarter of clinical, actually doing hands-on care. My instructor decided I was doing well and ready to move on to someone who needed help with bathing.

My patient was a fragile eighty year old man. He needed to ride to the shower in our special chair, which ahd a hole in the bottom for water to drain. I loaded him up, using good body mechanics. I covered him with warm blankets, wrapped his feet, and took all the shower things we needed for a single trip down the hall.

I was feeling quite proud of myself. Then my instructor stopped me and pulled me back a few steps. Pointing to my patient, she said, “What’s wrong with this picture?”

I was confused. What could possibly be the problem? Blankets? Check. Shower supplies? Check. Feet covered. Check. Uh-oh…What was that dangling out from the shower chair hole? Come to think of it, he had mentioned feeling a draft…

We present this helpful visual aid to make maintaining proper hygiene easier:

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