Star Charts by Suzanne LaBarne

Horoscopes just for Nurses!

Taurus

A great nurse is licensed to practice in many states: state of confusion, state of exhaustion, state of amazement.  You are a shining example to all nurses everywhere this week Taurus with your versatility!

Gemini

Asking for support is tough but necessary: eliminate feelings of overwhelm with the support of peers and colleagues.  Or, failing that, you can always consider asking for advice and then doing the polar opposite: sometimes that’s the only way to use ‘helpful’ criticism from peers!

Cancer

Biohazard protection to look for snacks in the unit fridge? Necessary — and not the most unpleasant surprise you’ll have this week.  Good luck, Cancer!

Leo

When a patient reports an allergy to scorpion venom, do not ask how they respond to other blindingly obvious items: they may feel the need to test the possibilities!

Virgo

Someone has to keep doctors from killing their patients — that’s why there are nurses.  That being said, it’s probably not a good idea to find an old Posey just before rounds….

Libra

People (and patients!) who think they know everything are especially annoying to those of us who do.  Smile and nod and the week will pass quickly.

Scorpio

Turn your annoying colleague onto the beauty and adventure of remote medical support: perhaps they will send you postcards from their new gig in the Himalayas — and even if they don’t, you’ll have the joy of knowing you helped someone achieve a dream job.  Isn’t that enough, Scorpio?

Sagittarius

A heated discussion on dress codes for nurses gets you accused of skirting the issue.  Don’t be afraid to hold strong opinions Sagittarius! You are one smart cookie and it’s okay to let the world know.

Capricorn

Integrating patient preferences into care plans is tricky when your patient believes in the therapeutic use of meth.  Think of it as a learning experience, Capricorn!

Aquarius

Is it better to be happy or right? This week you are forced to choose — but trust your gut and know that the risk is worth the reward!

Pisces

Helpful family members are the bane of your existence: watch them ‘quiet’ noisy monitors and pumps, remove ‘uncomfortable’ IVs and stomp on what’s left of your sanity. All, of course, while trying to make your life easier.

Aries

Write it down, write it down, write it down. If you don’t need your own notes for CYA purposes, you can use them later in the Great American Novel.

Star Charts by Suzanne LaBarne are for Entertainment Purposes ONLY!

Star Charts by Suzanne LaBarne

Horoscopes just for Nurses!

Capricorn

Tension surrounds you this week, Capricorn. Turn the emotional tide with humor: even small smiles count.

Aquarius

Avoid the color pink as much as possible this week, Aquarius. You’ll be glad of it. Purple’s not real lucky either. Other than that, the vending machine won’t let you down!

Pisces

Make sure you have access to plenty of chocolate this week!

Aries

A colleague’s sudden journalistic tendencies trouble you, but fear not! You’re not the center of attention…yet!

Taurus

Taurus’ caregiving tendencies kick into overdrive for one near and dear. Be careful before you say anything, the matter is sensitive.

Gemini

The fears and anxiety of your student nurse days will come rushing back for one horrid moment; only to be squelched by your been-there, done-that expertise. Go You! This will give you the compassion you need to help out a struggling newbie later this week.

Cancer

This is a great week to ask people deep, meaningful questions that provoke long therapeutic sessions of introspection and soul searching. Sadly, it is a horrible week for getting answers to those questions.

Leo

Ambition surprises you, perhaps prompting you to make a change sooner than expected. Conquer fear to embrace this potential life altering event.

Virgo

Straight forward common sense isn’t always the answer, Virgo. Trust your intuition. It won’t steer you wrong, at least not more than once or twice!

Libra

Ever feel like you have absolutely no idea what’s going on? This week, you’re right — and luckier for it!

Scorpio

Remember, if you smile *really pretty*, sometimes the ’special visitors’ won’t be able to tell you want to strangle them!

Sagittarius

A patient considerably older than the majority of their teeth will offer you a bit of true wisdom wrapped in a strange package.

Star Charts by Suzanne LaBarne are for Entertainment Purposes ONLY!

Star Charts by Suzanne LaBarne

Horoscopes just for Nurses!

Capricorn

This week brings a rash of Christmas gift-induced injuries, Capricorn. You’ll find it hard to believe what people manage to do to themselves with a Snuggie!

Aquarius

Thou shalt not empty the bedpan into the annoying visitor’s conveniently open tote bag…no matter how much you want to!

Pisces

Poor Pisces! On the go, go, go this holiday season, you’re considering booking an international flight for the luxury of being ‘forced’ to remain in a seat for an hour.

Aries

Eager Aries loves a party — and the fact you’re working New Year’s Eve isn’t going to stop you from having fun. Strategic re-purposing of medical supplies can create that festive air and all your patients will LOVE being woken up just in time to ring in the New Year!

Taurus

Frustrations abound, but steady, stubborn Taurus remains eerily calm. If you can’t find something to freak out about, fake it…otherwise those diversion whispers are going to start!

Gemini

It’s a full moon Thursday, Gemini. If you start now, you might be able to build a secure bunker in the supply room just in time to hide out from all the ‘excitement’.

Cancer

Beware of administrators bearing gifts — there might be a lot of uncovered shifts you don’t know about…YET.

Leo

Perpetually perky colleagues are annoying — but when 80% of them call in, you find yourself longign for their smiling faces.

Virgo

You love making resolutions Virgo, but remember to be realistic! Being the perfect nurse, the perfect parent and the perfect romantic partner is quite a goal. Try picking just one of those and going easy on yourself.

Libra

Going to work gives you a much needed respite from the hustle and bustle of home. Sad but true!

Scorpio

A co-worker’s efforts to spread holiday cheer initially provokes your scorn, but your tune changes when you join in the fun. Half the joy comes from the shocked look on your colleague’s face!

Sagittarius

You missed out (barely!) on a Code Brown Christmas, but fret not: the year won’t end with you unsatisfied!

Star Charts by Suzanne LaBarne are for Entertainment Purposes ONLY! Do not make major life decisions based on what Suzanne or any other astrologer tells you. Ask your Mother instead. She loves to tell you what to do!

Star Charts by Suzanne LaBarne

Horoscopes just for Nurses!

Sagittarius

Feeling down about working the holidays? Alligator farmers and sewer repair men are working too…which may make you feel better until you realize that they don’t have to do any charting at all!

Capricorn

Holiday parties with family and friends bring home one basic truth, Capricorn: If you talk about your typical workday, you can turn ‘em green as guacamole! How festive!

Aquarius

4 mini candy canes snatched from the nurse’s station does not a meal make, Aquarius. This week finds you busier than ever — but find time to take care of yourself!

Pisces

When you least expect it, a mysterious spill well help you spin, leap and fly just like you were dancing the lead role in The Nutcracker! Isn’t ballet wonderful? Tell your patients you do it every year!

Aries

Too many sugar plums leads directly to abdominal pain, unspecified, Aries! Moderation is key – even if it seems contraindicated now.

Taurus

Taurus’ famed stubborn nature will come in handy this holiday season, which is going to be memorable, picture-perfect, and totally harmonious, no matter what, right?

Gemini

All we’re going to say is How do you know, really, that the patient claiming to be Santa Claus isn’t?

Cancer

Who knew? Grandma really did get run over by a reindeer — and lucky you, your NM is her favorite grandchild! This week will offer up a chance to practice your diplomacy skills.

Leo

The bright lights and festive atmosphere bring out the performer in you, Leo. You’re singing carols and doing your best Rockette imitation. This would be great if you weren’t on the night shift!

Virgo

Never underestimate the power of simple kindness and basic humanity to completely derail your to-the-minute plans! This week will be an exercise in letting go of expectations and going with the flow.

Libra

Some people believe that once a year, on Christmas Eve, animals are given the power to speak. But you’re wishing for a greater miracle: patients who can fluff their own pillows, change their own TV stations and pour themselves a glass of water on this special night!

Scorpio

Stop kidding yourself, Scorpio: Your grouchy facade slips during the holidays…so give the BAH HUMBUG a rest — at least for a while!

Star Charts by Suzanne LaBarne are for Entertainment Purposes ONLY! Do not make major life decisions based on what Suzanne or any other astrologer tells you. In fact, stop looking for guidance entirely! Sheer blinding intuition is enough to see you through the darkest days!

Star Charts by Suzanne LaBarne

Horoscopes just for Nurses!

Libra

It’s a very fertile time for Libra, which could mean creativity and inspiration abound. It could also mean something else, which your L&D colleagues could clue you in on. Contrary to popular belief, not everything is contagious!

Scorpio

Short-tempered Scorpio will have a rough time this week, as all of your patients have received extensive medical training from Oprah’s Dr. Oz and know from obsessive watching of Scrubs what life in the hospital is SUPPOSED to be like. Relief arrives as season premieres give way to reruns.

Sagittarius

End of the world fervor makes your normally calm, sedentary unit a little more chaotic than usual. Point out that the Mayans have predictions right up to the year 4870 and see the waters calm. (This strategy has the added benefit of being true!)

Capricorn

Yes, it is tempting — but calling in a search and rescue team for the doctor who doesn’t return his pages is a bit over the top. Wait another fifteen minutes just to be sure before you call!

Aquarius

A long-lost acquaintance will turn up in a surprising situation. This may be uncomfortable, but professionalism will carry the day. Sudden onset amnesia might make both of you more comfortable!

Pisces

Animals abound in your chart, Pisces, so be ready! You might have a patient who insists that their companion chimpanzee helps with chronic depression or an emergency admit who brings some little buddies along for the ride. It’s hard to tell from here — but after Wednesday, you’ll know!

Aries

Have compassion for the new nurses, Aries. You were young once too, and needed help. You may be more intimidating than you realize. Offer assistance: it will be gratefully accepted.

Taurus

Time away from the job reveals unexpected surprises: food can be served (and consumed!) while hot! Bathrooms can be accessed when needed, without several hours delay! Revel in these discoveries — but don’t try to tell anyone at work, they’ll never believe you.

Gemini

Conversations surrounding immunizations are likely to grow a little pointed; sidestep the sharp language and let others needle each other. You don’t need the aggravation this week!

Cancer

Doctors are examining a new condition during which nurses develop an inability to hear their phone ring when they’re away from the job. Volunteering for the study might provide some extra income, but likely won’t smooth any thing over with your NM; decide wisely!

Leo

Seeking creative challenges, Leo may find themselves open to a new hobby. Try figuring out what your patient’s tattoos are supposed to be — or once were!

Virgo

When your patient tells you their profession is Medical Marijuana reviewer and they have a long and convenient list of medical allergies, it’s hard not to be cynical. Don’t beat up on yourself too much for lost naivete: it’s probably the last place you left it!

Star Charts by Suzanne LaBarne are intended for entertainment purposes only!

Star Charts by Suzanne LaBarne

Horoscopes just for Nurses!

Virgo

Tension and stress can’t be completely eliminated by the use of remote-control cars, but it’s still worth a try.  Tap some of your buddies, and you can set up your own version of the brickyard behind the nurses station!  Hold off on the checkered flags, though — they’re likely to be considered a bit over the top.

Libra

Romantic concerns make it hard to focus on the workplace.  Rather surprising, especially for those of you who are cardiac nurses…it’s all hearts, people!  Things should settle down or blow up completely by Friday.

Scorpio

Don’t ask what that slimy substance your patient is slathering on their wounds.  They believe it will eliminate scarring, and this is one time where it’s just much better to let your know-it-all resident explain about the glories of infection.

Sagittarius

If you’re a psychiatric nurse, Sagittarius, nothing this week will seem the least bit unusual.

Capricorn

If your completely immobile, pain level 45, unable to wipe her own butt patient can make it to the shower for a quick cigarette, Capricorn, don’t you think you can deal with what’s bothering you? You’ve dilly-dallied long enough.

Aquarius

Those strange rumbling feelings in your stomach? They’re called hunger, Aquarius: this week it will be imperative to eat before your shift — the stars don’t reveal many opportunities for long, leisurely meals during it!

Pisces

A quick slip near the patient’s bed, a deft leap over the tangled IVs, and a tuck and roll to avoid the crash cart and guess what? You’ve made the Olympic Tumbling Team, Pisces! This week holds unexpected opportunities, but it’s important to make the most of them.

Aries

Sweet dreams are yours, Aries — if you can let the job go for a while and sleep! It’s hard to maintain proper boundaries, especially this week. Practice leaving the job at the job if you want family peace and harmony.

Taurus

Confidence becomes an issue for normally stalwart Taurus. Don’t look to patients for reassurance that you’re doing a good job — you’re only as good at the last pain killer! Real validation comes from colleagues and from yourself.

Gemini

You can do anything you set your mind to, Gemini! You feel invincible this week, with the world at your fingertips. Capitalize on this fresh burst of energy to get things done — but don’t take the invincible thing to heart, otherwise, you’ll wind up in the ER with all the other invincible people!

Cancer

Your stars are full of references to memory and nostalgia, Cancer. You may find yourself looking backward, examining old motivations, choices, and situations from days gone by. Don’t get trapped in the history; the future holds more promise. This will be clear by week’s end.

Leo

If your unit had a soundtrack, what would it be? Put together a play list for your team, Leo. This will serve as an admirable distraction from everything else destined to happen this week, and that’s a good thing. Music can soothe the savage soul – and if you can get that hot young resident to dance along, so much the better!

Star Charts by Suzanne LaBarne are intended for entertainment purposes only!

Star Charts by Suzanne LaBarne

Horoscopes just for Nurses!

Leo

Euphoria’s natural as your birthday approaches, Leo: the start of a new year is always an exciting time. Remember to hold onto common sense while charging full speed ahead: sometimes those wet floor signs are there for a reason! Slips and pratfalls may form the basis of slapstick humor…but we’re guessing that’s not how you want to celebrate your natal day. Exercise caution while having fun.

Virgo

Motivation dominates your charts this week, Virgo: why do you choose to do what you do? Attention to detail and a passion for patients are easy answers, but you need to dig a little deeper. What’s really driving you? You’re not going to be content until you find the answer to this question.

Barring that, flip through random charts until you find a diagnosis that fits you :-) You’ll feel better when you have a label.

Libra

Elegant negotiations surround you this week, Libra, as your patients struggle with family members who want them to change their medication/refuse their medication/take their medication. Enforcing visiting hours helps tremendously…as do transparent ear plugs that block the majority of the pleading (which is already falling on deaf ears) from troubling you!

Scorpio

Your ability to recognize innovation is unparalleled, Scorpio. But your ‘baloney’ detector is equally fine tuned: when that visitor tells you the box of syringes he’s attempting to purloin are for a needle exchange program, trust your judgment. Your expression alone will make sure he gets the point.

Sagittarius

Is it mild traumatic brain injury when the patient’s been hit in the head with a jar of non-spicy salsa? It is while pondering this medical mystery that you develop a sudden craving that can only be solved with tacos. Looking at your stars, all we can say is skip the refried beans!

Capricorn

Financial woes concern you, Capricorn: not necessarily directly, but in the lives of those near and dear to you. Try to balance sympathy with prudence: your first urge is to help everyone else out, but you need to make sure your own situation is secure.

Aquarius

While you might normally be concerned by the sight of someone hiding under the bushes in front of your facility, chanting, “You can’t see me, you can’t see me!” you don’t have to fret this time. It’s just the head of your unit, trying to avoid a budget meeting.

Pisces

Stay away from the cafeteria. Pack your lunch. Sidestep the vending machine. Do whatever you need to do this week to ensure food safety: a gastro-intestinal horror show lies waiting in the wings if you don’t.

Oh, who are we kidding? Everyone knows nurses don’t have time to eat.

Aries

Aries is strangely joyful this week: a return to basics may sound boring but give you great joy.

Or, it could just be the new scrubs. Whatever floats your boat!

Taurus

Researchers tell us that there’s a direct relationship between intelligence and rates of knee injury. Apparently, the dumber you are, the more likely you are to hurt yourself. Taurus will read this news and immediately begin planning a career move to the research arena, because you’ve known this particular bit of information FOR YEARS!

Gemini

Fluid and changable are words that generally appeal to Geminis — but not when it comes to personal boundaries. In a week where everyone wants something from you, make sure you’re not overextending yourself.

Cancer

Here’s a great idea, Cancer, seeing as you’ve let yourself get roped into yet another committee: Make up mock surveys, six to eight questions, and go around interviewing everyone. Ask what you REALLY want to know about them…how much money they make, how many times they’ve been married, how many martinis they’ve had before coming to work in the morning…when they balk, glare at them and say “It’s on the SURVEY…” Not only will you get some great insider info, but you’ll never be asked to work on the holiday party planning committee again!

Star Charts by Suzanne LaBarne are intended for entertainment purposes only!