Journal of Nursing Jocularity

A group of psychiatrists were attending a convention. Four of them decided to leave, and walked out together.

One said to the other three, “People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears, but we have no one that we can go to when we have problems.” The others agreed.

Then one said, “Since we are all professionals, why don’t we take some time right now to hear each other out?” The other three agreed.

The first then confessed, “I have an uncontrollable desire for sex and I frequently seduce my female patients.”

The second psychiatrist said, “I love expensive things and so I find ways to cheat my patients out of their money whenever I can so I can buy the things I want.”

The third followed with, “I’m involved with selling drugs and often get my patients to sell them for me.”

The fourth psychiatrist then confessed, “I know I’m not supposed to, but no matter how hard I try, I can’t keep a secret.”

The patient demanded, “Doc, I just must have a liver transplant, a kidney transplant, a cornea transplant, a lung transplant, and a heart transplant.”

“WHAT?” yelled the doctor. “Tell me, exactly why you think you need all these transplants.”

“Well,” explained the patient, “my boss told me that I needed to get reorganized.”

• The craziest shift you’ve ever had in your entire career will be the day of the fire drill.
• The harder the stick, the more labs are needed.
• Your nose won’t itch all day…until the minute you get those gloves on!
• The one colleague you tell how difficult your patient is being is the one person related to that patient — usually for a hundred miles!
• The more adamant the visitor is about their extensive medical background, the more likely they are to hit the floor at the first sight of blood.
• The further the bed is from the nurses’ station, the more often the call button is pressed.
• The more unsteady a patient is, the more determined they become to shower alone.
• There’s a box of every sized glove you need on your floor — except yours.
• The minute you make it into the supply room is the minute you forgot what you needed.
• The more critical the equipment, the more likely it is to be broken.

From the very popular webcomic xkcd:

Dear Nurse Marge,

I’ve got a question for you: cap or no cap? Some of the older nurses I work with say wearing a cap made the patients treat them with respect, while others say they were nothing but a pain in the you-know-where. I’ve never seen anyone actually *wearing* one so maybe they were more inconvenient than they’re worth — what do you think? I’m more than half tempted to get one, but I love that retro style!

Cap Curious

Dear Cap Curious,

There’s a school of thought that says an all white uniform, with the hose and cap and pin, created an impression that absolutely demanded respect. Of course, none of the people who say that are actually old enough to have worn that regalia — or if they are, let’s just say that the years elapsed have allowed a pleasant fog to obscure the fact that while our clothes have changed, our patients have not. The patient who says Thank You and is a joy to work with is still the same — and the obnoxious type that wants to feel you up doesn’t care if you’re wearing nurse white or pediatric purple panda print: they’re going to grope whatever they can reach.

Like the old school look? I say go for it — but don’t forget to celebrate the freedom you have to NOT wear that cap as well. The respect our profession commands comes not from our uniforms but from our performance, and that’s what really matters.

Well, that, and the fact that managing the laundry is much easier when everything’s not white.

Good Luck!

Nurse Marge

1. Do not expect your doctor to share your discomfort. Involvement with the patient’s suffering might cause him to lose valuable scientific objectivity.

2. Be cheerful at all times. Your doctor leads a busy and trying life and requires gentleness and reassurance she can get.

3. Try to suffer from the disease for which you are being treated. Remember that your doctor has a professional reputation to uphold. (more…)

Finding something to laugh about each and every day can be a challenge…especially on those days when you know it’s going to be a LOOOONG shift the minute you set foot on the unit. Give yourself a head start toward healthy laughter by signing up for A Joke a Day These jokes are checked to make sure they don’t contain offensive content, so there are no nasty surprises and it’s usually a safe bet for a good laugh when you need it the most!

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