Journal of Nursing Jocularity

As a young child I would beg my mother to let me mow the lawn. I loved walking behind the push mower watching its blades turn and churn up the grass, and hearing the rhythm as I walked up and down the yard. My least favorite part was having to rake up the grass afterwards.

I don’t think I’ve seen anyone mowing by hand in years. In fact most of them must be in antique stores waiting for someone to purchase them so they can turn them into lamps or clothes trees.

What I see now are individuals sitting on a riding lawn mower with grass catching capabilities. This type of equipment was used by farmers to clear the “back forty”. Now people are using it to mow a patch of grass the size of a postage stamp.

The noise these machines emit is somewhat analogous to a jet idling on a tarmac when you’re trying to sleep in on the weekend. I’m not quite sure why this has become the new paradigm for lawn maintenance, but I’m sure one of the reasons is that it looks cool, just like running around town doing errands in a big truck does.

We seem to like big in this country and fast and we want to expedite and multi task, so we can get as much done as possible in one day. If we can sit and do all our stuff, we’re even happier. I think eventually we will simply not have to move at all. Maybe our legs will turn into wheels. After all the evolutionary process has proven that when you don’t use it, you lose it.

Unfortunately our need to expedite and all our technology has decreased our calorie expenditure. My grandmother washed most things by hand including dishes, mopped or swept floors, and walked everywhere. She had incredible stamina and rarely if ever sat down to rest. She always told me that she knew that eventually she would have an eternity to rest.

My mother had the same mindset. Gadgets were considered unnecessary. A lot of her sense of self worth came from doing things that had a certain degree of physical and mental effort.

Believe me, I’m not proposing that we go back to outhouses or washing our clothes down by the river. But, perhaps we might want to integrate some of our past into the present. It just might be one of the answers to curbing the continuing rise of obesity.

Loretta LaRoche writes the Get a Life column for the Patriot Ledger.

I have never been able to understand someone’s need to have the news on all day long. I realize that we are in an era where the access to any type of information is instantly available. But listening to reports on murder, drug trafficking, political kickbacks, sexual infidelities and other heinous acts do not need to be part of our daily routine.

In fact hearing bad news or even having it in the background can be detrimental to your well being. After awhile you start to think that the world is going to hell in a hand basket.

At one time our awareness of unsavory acts was limited. But now you can hear about a scam that some goat herders in outer Mongolia pulled off. There are reporters at the ready in almost every corner of the earth.

The weather was limited to your immediate area, now you can find out what the precipitation might be in the Aleutian Islands, just in case you have a hankering to go there after you go food shopping.

Even if you don’t watch a lot of news, you can almost count on the fact that someone will share it with you whether you like it or not.

I find that many people are now of the mindset that the world has gotten to be a very dangerous place. What they fail to recognize is that bad events have been happening since the beginning of time. I personally would not want to have been a serf living in a village that Attila the Hun swept through with his Army. The only way the villagers could have been alerted is if someone nearby had a fast horse, was a trained marathoner or had a pigeon that had rocket boosters on its wings.

Tidal waves, volcanoes erupting, earthquakes, hurricanes, and typhoons have been a part of the earth’s patterns since the beginning of time. Fortunately the human race has continued to survive and thrive.

Keeping that in mind is difficult if we don’t give ourselves a break from bad news. It also sets you up to continually worry about what might happen next.

We have often heard that murder and mayhem is what sells. But perhaps sprinkling some acts of kindness and compassion throughout the daily newscasts might just help us all physically, mentally and spiritually. It might even make us all feel better about each other.

Loretta LaRoche writes the Get a Life column for the Patriot Ledger.

I recently read that CVS is doubling its food sections in thousands of stores this year as part of a new strategy to grab market share from supermarkets.

Retail consultants call this “channel blurring”. Yet another doublespeak that tries to get us to feel comfortable with how convoluted retail is becoming. The rationale for this combining of food and drugs is so that customers can get “what you want, when you want it”.

So that if you are filling a prescription for a yeast infection, you can also get a loaf of bread.

Supermarkets have had pharmacies in their stores for years, so perhaps putting the shoe on the other foot is certainly fair play. However, I have shopped in both these stores and also noticed that you can purchase, balloons, baskets, electric toothbrushes, books, DVDs and assorted other items that were once not indigenous to either store.

The so called “blurring” seems to be occurring in a variety of places not just in the food and drug markets. Bookstores sell music, stationary, pens, games, and have coffee, frappes and sweets. Gas stations sell food, newspapers, magazines, and often have a Dunkin Doughnut on premises. Coffee shops sell CDs, mugs, posters, lottery tickets, magazines and newspapers. Some physicians are now selling their own products.

I often find myself feeling overwhelmed and somewhat disoriented when I’m walking through aisle after aisle of stuff looking for something I need. Even if I find what I need, I have to go through tons of the same product that all have slightly different ingredients, but essentially do the same thing.

I often feel like I’m part of some weird experiment that is testing to see of I will end up sane after leaving the store.

I love shopping in small stores where meat, or cheese or wine and spirits are the only things sold and the salespeople are present and interested in what you need. I realize that big stores are in, and that Americans like the notion of “one stop shopping”.

Perhaps someone should consider building houses with all the aforementioned in them. Then we wouldn’t have to leave the premises, or if we get bored with our own stuff we can go next door and buy a cup of sugar from our neighbors.

Loretta LaRoche writes the Get a Life column for the Patriot Ledger.

I have a very dear friend whom I’ve known for years. We now live several hundred miles apart and don’t see each other all that often, but we make it a habit to talk on the phone at regular intervals. A few weeks ago it occurred to me that we hadn’t spoken in quite some time, so I called her at home, and got her voice mail. “ Hello, please leave me your name and number and the reason for your call, and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.”

Two days later she called me from her car phone.”Hi, it’s me. I’m so sorry I haven’t called in such a long time. Things here have been just insane! I’ve been working so hard it’s unbelievable. I had to work on a project all weekend, and when I wasn’t working, I had to take the kids to a birthday party and two play dates. I haven’t had a minute to call. I’m so overwhelmed I just don’t know what to do.”

I didn’t know what to say to her. How absurd! We haven’t spoken for a month, then she takes the first ten minutes of our conversation to tell me that she’s too busy to talk to me.

Divulging every ounce of our daily “doings” has become a fact of life. I don’t know when it started, but I cannot recall my grandmother or mother having a need to report how busy they were to everyone that came across their path.

Perhaps we’re hoping that someone will come to our rescue if we appear as if we’re going to have a nervous breakdown. I have to realize that the only that will rescue me is me!

Unfortunately, we are also in an era where “real listening” has been replaced by practicing what you’re going to say while the other person is talking. Whoever you’re telling how busy you are is chomping at the bit to be even more fatigued and overwhelmed.

I am beginning to wonder if we really want relief or has the mindset of a never ending list of tasks become the new model of self-worth?

If so we are totally missing the point about what it means to live a fulfilling life. I doubt that at the end of our days that people will be eulogizing how busy we were. I would hope that we will be remembered for the joy, laughter, compassion and understanding we brought to our friends, co-workers and family.

Now that’s a busy that’s worth it.

Loretta LaRoche writes the Get a Life column for the Patriot Ledger.

Often we’re rushing around so much that we become incredibly intolerant of others. Time has become a measurement of how much needs to get done, and life is a daily race. Sadly, many of us live under the illusion that when we reach the finishing line we will feel relief.

This becomes a daily ritual which in and of itself causes a great deal of stress and leaves us frustrated and unable to connect in a civilized manner. The irony of this mindset is that the very opposite is true.

If we slow down and take the time to be polite and considerate, we actually have more respect for ourselves. When we act more humane, our minds and bodies are freer to be more present and focused, therefore, we are more productive.

As a child, my grandmother spent hours teaching me manners. My mother worked, and so it became grandma’s responsibility to create her ideal, a dignified, gracious human being. Anything else would not be tolerated and if she witnessed anything less, she would repeat over and over that I was acting like an animal.

“Don’t chew with your mouth open,”

“Put your fork down when you’re not eating,”

“Think before you speak,”

“Don’t mumble.”

These instructions, plus many more, had a dual purpose: They helped me function better in society, and they were a source of pride for her.

To my grandmother, there was no greater sin than being ill-mannered. It brought disgrace upon her good name. For that she reserved the ultimate punishment-silence. Silence from an elderly Sicilian grandmother can be compared to life imprisonment. An entire act accompanied the silence-great big sighs, heavy walking while she prayed for your soul, and hand gestures similar to what the Roman emperors gave to those that were about to die.

Finally my grandfather would intercede by yelling “Basta” (enough). He was the only one who could end the punishment, aside from God.

Human survival is dependent on healthy relating. The process of people interacting requires understanding, kindness, consideration, compassion and acknowledgment—-which is what manners are all about.

The poet William Blake sums it up beautifully: “Everything that lives, Lives not alone, Nor for itself.”

Loretta LaRoche writes the Get A Life column for the Patriot Ledger.

If you think you have nothing to worry about, you can rest assured that some magazine, newspaper or TV talk show will inform you about something you had no idea existed, even in your wildest dreams. You could literally scare yourself to death from the minute you wake up till you go to bed.

In fact beds can be the source of all kinds of problems. You could have an infestation of mites, invisible creatures when seen under a microscope that look like small aliens. They can be the source of allergies, rashes and more.

You’re supposed to buy a new pillow every six months in order to stop the mite colony from taking over your house. I remember having the same pillow till I got married. It’s amazing that I’m still alive to tell the tale.

That’s just the tip of the iceberg.

Bacteria of all kinds have become the topic du jour. No matter where you are you can find a post with a cleanser to use to help you avoid being contaminated by the latest germ. Some people wash their hands so often that they have to go to the dermatologist to get treated for eczema, a condition that is based on dry skin. So now you’re not infected, but you look like an alligator.

Children are even getting into acting like pseudo-physicians. Kids used to call a cut a boo-boo, now they might explain that it’s a small puncture wound that might need an antibiotic.

It’s a miracle that my grandmother lived till she was 95. When something fell on the floor, she would pick it up, wipe it off on her apron, and then eat it.

As a nation we don’t seem to be able to walk a moderate path when it comes to health information. Sun screen, defined as a protection from skin cancer, was used to such a degree that now we are being told to get at least fifteen minutes a day in order to get sufficient doses of vitamin D3. This particular source of D is gotten from the sun and helps create bone density. Yes, you can also get it from supplements and some foods, but the bottom line is a little sun is not the problem. It is too much sun.

Soon, it will be impossible to leave the house without first encasing ourselves into a protective suit that has been completely sterilized.

Become aware, alert and informed, but don’t become obsessed, it could be the death of you.

Loretta LaRoche writes the Get a Life column for the Patriot Ledger.

It seems that every generation of women has a garment that is supposed to help eliminate bulges, bumps and all manner of obvious lumps.

My grandmother wore a corset. I used to have to help her pull together both sides and snap it shut. I remember struggling with it as if I were reeling in a large tuna. I would try to encourage her to try to simply wear a bra, but she was adamant that it made her back feel good and made her figure look more youthful. I used to wince when she took it off, because in its’ place were a series of depressions that resembled train tracks.

My mother wore a girdle. I never understood how she got it on, because it looked like it might fit a toddler. But, I guess that was the whole idea. Once you got it on, which could take years off your life, you looked like you were smaller. Again, marks from the girdle were imprinted on her body when it came off. I tried it on once and thought “I will never, ever wear this crazy thing as long as I live”!

Well, we all know that many of our resolutions can change over time, and once I had a baby, I fell into the need to purchase something to flatten my belly. At that time in history there was something called a “living girdle”. I think once you put it on it died, because when you took it off it had a rather peculiar odor. You had to powder the inside and then wiggle your way into it. In order to get through the day you had to carry an oxygen tank because breathing became almost impossible. I finally threw it away because I knew it was either me or it.

Well, now, a new generation of fat flatteners has emerged called Spanx. You can purchase one for almost every part of your body. They recently came out with one that addresses the front and the back like a suit of armor. I tried the panty house on with the control top, because if anything is “out of control” it’s my stomach. I walked around the house a few minutes and ripped them off.

The relief I felt was immediate. I knew at that moment that I was meant to have it “all hang out”. Let’s face it, all these under garments that promise miracle results, lose their miraculous possibilities once you take them off.

Perhaps working out and eating less might just be more of a miracle.

Loretta LaRoche writes the Get a Life column for the Patriot Ledger!

Remember when you were a kid and you got into your heavy staring? Your mother would say, “Come back! Where are you, in La La Land?”

By now you’ve probably buried or diminished this wonderful place that can help us elicit inner peace and harmony. But as children we daydream often with grace and with great ease. It is because we are so clearly focused on our intent and where we are at any given moment.

If children see a kite, balloon, or bird, they will zero in on it like sonar and track it with complete absorption. As parents, we often scurry after a small child who is following something that they are completely absorbed in because we fear for their safety.

Becoming one with anything gets harder and harder as we get older because our minds become more and more cluttered with outside demands. Today we can be interrupted by some form of technology 24/7.

When we finally do try to give ourselves a respite from the constant cacophony of daily life, a nagging inner voice seems to begin plying us with guilty messages. “Why are you resting. You know you don’t have time for this! Get up don’t just sit there. You have lots to do. Keep going!”

Busyness has become a way of life, and it has even begun to infiltrate the world of children. Many parents spend their hours busing kids to and fro to a variety of organized activities. A lot of kids also spend hours in front of a TV or playing video games in lieu of going outdoors and building forts, flying kites, skipping, running, or watching a bunch of ants creating an ant hill.

We are fast becoming a nation that seems constantly focused on making everything, even fun productive. The irony attached to productivity, is that when we marry it to playfulness, we become more productive.

All of us would be happier, healthier and less stressed if we could rediscover La La Land. It is available throughout the day and can be a vacation from some of the daily irritations that are part of everyones’ lives.

Allow your mind to wander occasionally without reprimanding yourself, savor moments with your children without your inner critic telling you to “hurry up, there’s no time to waste”, and be silly whenever you can. You just might live longer.

Several years ago, while attending a conference on wellness, I was struck by the attitude of the participants. Most approached the sessions, which were focused on how to extend life, with grim earnestness and very little energy. Their faces looked like they were getting ready to go to a funeral. In their relentless pursuit of a healthy, long life , they had forgotten the joy of being in the present.

One afternoon, a child of about three waltzed down the hotel corridor, twirled, lifted her arms, and yelled, “TA-DAH!” Several adults stopped dead in their tracks. At that instant, I knew they had grasped the absurdity of the situation. The child knew what they had paid hundreds of dollars to find out: how to enjoy life in the moment.

A childlike TA-DAH blesses the moment you’re in. It permits you to enjoy wherever you are and to realize, more often than not, that you choose to be there.

If you fail to understand this reality, than you are forever waiting to “be done” before you have fun.

There is even a scientific study that has concluded that throwing your arms up into the air can lift your spirits. A study by Dr. John Cacioppo, Ph.D., and Ohio State University psychologist, says that it may have something to do with the fact that this upward motion is similar to bringing food to the mouth, an action we instinctively enjoy.

The giddy, goofy desire to throw wide your arms and embrace life not only makes life worth living but may make it last longer. Perhaps euphoria is good for the body; perhaps joy is protective against the corrosive impact of stress, and joyful people may outlive their whining counterparts.

There is even a yoga pose called Tadasana, which means “ stand firm, with power and dignity, steadily and comfortably.” There are endless possibilities to enjoy our existences.

Life’s little pleasures too often disappear from our busy days. The absence of ordinary pleasures may take an even greater toll on our health than stress does. So trade frowns for smiles, turn on your imagination, talk to yourself in fun ways, try to be different, tap into the universe of humor, use your good towels, eat dessert first, and forget trying to make lemonade out of lemons, throw them out and get what you really want!

Loretta LaRoche writes the Get a Life column for the Patriot Ledger.

So many of us are caught up not only in trying to find out who made us stressed and miserable but also in storing the information and cataloging it for future use.

I call this “baggage handling” because after a while, we have so much past misery that we need suitcases to put it in. We may even need to hire someone to carry them if we have a whole set. My grandmother Francesca was so good at recalling past history (mostly negative) that she could have been a curator for the Smithsonian.

As a child I would always ask her why she looked so unhappy. Her answer was always the same: “Because I suffer.” She’d go no further, but her face would become even sadder and her hands would go up in the air as she recited one of her many invocations for God to help her in her hour of need. There was always an aura of mystery around my grandmother’s suffering, as if it were so unspeakable that it could only be alluded to in veiled words.

Every once in a while she would add a teaser: “ My mother abandoned me!” This was all said in Italian, which adds such incredible drama. If she had said “My bra is killing me” in Italian, it would have sounded like a death knell.

So many of us spend our energies keeping lists on file of things people have done to us. It’s as if we have to keep active those things that have made us feel bad.

Women seem to be particularly adept at this. Our partners and our children don’t have a chance if they repeatedly do something that gets on our nerves. We can come up with dates, times, and probably the exact minute they did it before.

It is important to differentiate between what you need to hang on to and what to let go of. There is nothing more freeing than releasing old stuff.

However, realizing that certain of our behaviors or those of others don’t serve us is valuable information. I have come to realize that certain individuals that were part of my life were energy vampires. My ruminating over how they treated me did not change their essential character.

The only logical thing to do is to store the information and to profit from the lesson. Life can hold a lot of joy and possibilities, but only when we stop dragging the carcass of the past along with us.